Break up season

Tis the season to break up. It seems that everywhere I turn one of my friends is talking about ending his relationship or has done so. Every fall since I have been here I have watched couples come back from summer break and as the colder weather approaches their relationships dissolve.

I assume this trend is attributed to the influx of new students and our increasing workloads - it just becomes too difficult to add a boyfriend or girlfriend to your list of things to do. When you're stressed to the max it becomes very hard to want to consider the feelings of another person, especially when that other person complains about how you aren't around enough or how you're not doing something else right.

Or maybe the relationship has merely lost its luster and there is just no saving it.

And while there is no easy way to break up, both parties should do their best to facilitate the process as much as possible.

The person who wants to end the relationship should just do it and get it over with. No one wants to hear the classic "I've been thinking about this for a long time." Why didn't you just say something before? Why watch your partner make plans that involve your future together when you're thinking of 50 ways to lose your lover?

If you're unhappy, you're probably not going to wake up one morning and have all your worries disappear. So as you're moving through each day treating your partner differently than you used to but trying to pretend like nothing is the matter, trust me, he can tell the difference and he knows something is up. By prolonging the break up you're just stringing your significant "bother" along and cheating him out of finding someone who will appreciate him.

You can't worry about hurting someone's feelings. If you do this, more than likely you will end up hurting them more.

You also need to do your best to be tactful about it. No one wants to be broken up with via text message, Facebook message or phone call. Have the courtesy to sit the person down and explain that it isn't working. At least that way the person that you are breaking up with will have to respect you for being honest and straightforward, even if he can no longer stand to see you.

For the unfortunate soul who is caught off guard by his partner wanting to end the relationship, you have to keep it together.

It is true that we all fall into the crazy gap at one point in time, but how does this benefit you? When you've been broken up with what do you gain from freaking out? As far as I can see you're just reaffirming your former lover's opinion that the relationship was no good.

We all cry, and that's okay. But you don't need to scream and yell and sob and beg. If you do this the last memory of your relationship has you looking like a desperate ogre, which will not be a fond memory for the leaving party. Desperation is in no way attractive or desirable and does nothing more than turn someone off.

You shouldn't try to trap someone. The "I'm coming over" trick is the worst! Why come over? The person if trying to break up with you! True, you may not agree with what's happening and you may want your voice to be heard, but when one person has it in his mind that he wants to leave a relationship, coming over is not going to prevent that from happening - you coming over may prolong the break up, but the end is inevitable.

You might think you have the best relationship in the world and you might think that your partner is only going through a rough time and he really wants to be with you, so making the break up as easy as possible could potentially help you out. I know I wouldn't consider getting back together with someone who flipped out and went crazy, but there is a chance that I could see the error of my ways and consider being with someone who was willing to let me have my space.

You just have to ask yourself, whether you're the one severing the ties or the one being cut, does prolonging the break up or getting over-the-top upset about it make it any better? Someone else will come along and you will be happy again.

This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com.