I do? I think...

The first and only time I was proposed to, it was the fourth of July at a fireworks festival.

The guy, my boyfriend at the time, was hardly my prince charming. We fought every other day and were both far too immature for a relationship of that caliber.

However, he seemed to believe that I was "the one." For months, he talked about children (SIX! As if I'm a dog.) and that ominous word "future." At the time, I wasn't quite the futurephobe I am now. Now I get the squicks if you mention something that is not within a year or two of the present.

So there he was, on one knee, my back towards the fireworks. He didn't have an elaborate or sweet proposal, to my chagrin. I didn't want a soliloquy by any means, but come on kid, woo the girl! And for heaven's sake, don't try to snap her finger off when she goes to touch the ring!

It was hot and I felt gross. This was not the kind of proposal I wanted.

I was, and still am, weary of the whole "engagement/proposal" phase of a relationship. I don't need a sparkly ring to know how much I'm valued. Especially when my fingers tend to disagree with rings (read: they never fit.)

He got his heart broken, as did I. Our parting was difficult and strained, ending with him throwing the ring at me. It's sitting in a jewelry box in some mysterious dark corner of my dorm room, unwanted and nearly forgotten, much like the relationship.

Young marriages are apparently the new trend. I can understand this: you feel like you can't live your life without your loverboy or sugarpie. It's understandable, but rushing off to Vegas to get sloshed might not be the answer to this. Over 50 percent of marriages that occur before the age of 25, or "the age of reason" as scientists say, end in separation and divorce.

So why am I looking around my classes and seeing diamonds on left ring fingers? When I inquire about it, because as a female I am genetically predetermined to be nosey about such issues, I get the typical response: "It's going to be a long engagement."

Ok, let's just say, idealistically, that you wade through four years of higher-education and the drama that comes with living tangibly on your own. When you graduate, you're definitely not going to have your parents supporting you. It'll just be you and your honeypie, supporting yourselves. The first year of marriage is already difficult enough: most marriages end after only a year together.

The burden of supporting yourself and living with another person is overwhelming. Those cute little quirks that annoyed you before, like his smelly gross feet on your new clean sheets, or her "hand wash only" undergarments hanging in the shower, will drive you absolutely insane when you have to deal with them every day.

Now let's be realistic. College is about finding yourself. I found it difficult to "find myself" when I had a clingy boyfriend at my side constantly.

Finding genuine friends and what makes me happy in life is difficult to do with excess weight. How can you expect someone to change and grow with you? How do you know you will grow in the same ways and still love each other?

But, how do you know that they're right for you? There's no way to tell. I certainly am not the expert. I'm not good at the whole relationship thing, admittedly. Every once and a while, a guy comes along and I harbor the thought, that just maybe I found a keeper. And then he goes and puts his nasty smelly feet on my new clean sheets, and I'm left with two options: strangle him with my 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets or give him the boot. I may not be good at relationships, but I definitely feel like I'd be a terrible murderess, and out the door he goes.

How do you know?

Well, gentlemen, if she can still give you that smile that makes you get tunnel vision and see only her. If she still smiles and you feel exactly the way you did years ago, then maybe you're on to something.

And ladies, if he still reaches for your hand in the car after years together, or remembers to grab your favorite ice cream before finals, maybe you've got the keeper.

But being in a functional relationship is about unconditional and unwavering support for each other, even if it requires the imminent death of your relationship.

This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com.