Long-distance love lost to the miles

Often, college students find themselves in long distance relationships. Leaving that high school sweetheart behind at home is truly one of life's most difficult rites of passage. But the question remains, is holding on to someone so far away really worth it?

In my experience, long distance relationships do not work. When I left home for ECU, I also left my boyfriend of four years behind. Initially, the departure worked fine for the both of us. However, things began to change rapidly once my boyfriend realized that my life was evolving, not in congruence with his own. Trivial issues like not talking long enough on the phone because I had homework caused intense fights between us. Eventually, the fighting created by the distance caused a rift between us so deep that it was no longer repairable. I was miserable, he was miserable; so we broke up.

Couples require togetherness. In the beginning of a relationship, the couple usually decides how much time both people feel is acceptable to spend together. When you go from seeing a person nearly every day in school and possibly on the weekend, to not seeing that person on a daily or weekly basis-that's detrimental to the survival of the relationship. This leads to a breakdown in communication. Conversations that used to be light-hearted and fun turn into conversations of sadness and neglect. It is very common for one member, if not both members, of the couple to begin to lose trust because you don't know what your other half is doing.

Because long distance couples cannot physically see each other, the fear of cheating emerges. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships explains that couples who are farther away as compared to those who are geographically close do not cheat more; however, by not having the ability to monitor each other, couples tend to convince themselves that one of them could be cheating.

The fear of cheating leads to fights about everything. When I had too much homework and couldn't talk on the phone, my boyfriend would turn things into a fight about cheating.

Frustration builds up, especially if you were telling the truth about having too much homework, and it then can turn into one person accusing the other of trying to prevent them from studying. Due to high levels of emotion from the distance, every single fight, big or small, turns into a huge issue. Eventually you forget why you initially were together, because all you concentrate on is the fighting.

Couple therapists suggest frequent face-to-face visits in order to make long distance relationships work. However, that is not always a possibility when you are to taking on school, new friends and possibly a new job.

Distance doesn't necessarily make the heart grow fonder; the common trend seems to show that it only makes it grow farther away. The pain that one has to experience from the frustration of a long-distance relationship is not worth it, especially when the likelihood of having the same kind of relationship you used to have is slim to none.

This writer can be reached at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com.