Pirate Rants

Is it weird that I wake up every morning to my suite mate watching Dora the Explorer?

To the girl who wears rainbow makeup almost everyday: This is school, not a circus! You need a lot more than makeup to cover that up!

To the bleach blonde girl in the front row of my GEOL 1700 class: Lay off the fake-n-bake, your face is oranger than an Oompa Loompa's.

To the girl with the yellow pirate pants on at Sheets Monday night: You looked ROUGH!!!!

Just because you CAN tell me about every waking minute of your life, doesn't mean you SHOULD!

Who's excited about the New Moon movie coming out next week!? Just thinking about it makes me all hot and bothered!

For all you CHEATING zombies out there: STOP using innocent bystanders as your shields!

In class today my professor said college allows you to see what life is really going to be like...I guess I'm going to be high the rest of my life. This is going to be great.

Why did Snoop Dog need an umbrella? Fo' drizzle!

I'd be scared or saddened by the routine use of hateful terms like "Uggsluts" and "whores" in Pirate Rants if I didn't assume that half of the insults were coming from other women.

Ever had a girl on top of you while you're going at it and realize you have to take the biggest pee ever and just hope it's not urine that comes out?

Why is it that people smoked Newports back home, but now they are referred to as Newpies in Greenville? I think my I.Q. drops every time I hear it.

Really? It's all pink on the inside? That's just what the girl who's been into you for 3 months wants to hear. You're a keeper.

Want to get on my bad side? Tell me Elementary Education is a piece of cake major…then it's on.

Dear roommate, you obviously have the meaning of the terms "best friend" and "mother" confused. Stop lecturing me on stuff you know nothing about.

So all of my friends decided they were going to quit smoking. And that's really good. But as you guys quit, you come to me 7 or 8 times a day to bum a cigarette... that is not good at all. D-Bags.

True Life: My professor makes half the exam questions about the one chapter I didn't study.

To whoever wrote the Pirate Rant bashing pirate ranters: Uh, hypocrite much?

Thank you Student Health for setting up H1N1 vaccines in the Cafeteria. I lost my appetite.

This weekend I learned 2 things: That laundry detergent splattered on walls looks AWESOME under a black light. And that laundry detergent eats away paint and drywall. Sorry roommates.

I am so tired of reading Pirate Rants about the "Northface Uggsluts." I don't wear Uggs or Northface, but it would definitely hurt my feelings if people called me a "Jeans Sneakerslut." Let people wear what they want!

I don't need to read the book on how to "Party Through College." It just comes naturally to me.

Every day when I get ice cream in the dining hall, I always say "oops" out loud to make it look like I accidentally got too much. Secretly, I do it on purpose every time.

I feel like my chances of meeting a hot girl this month are better, I mean half the guys on campus are walking around with a bright colored Nerf gun around their neck

Its tough out here in these streets of Pirate Nation when you cant get any booty!!

To the girl who pushed me into a bus after the VT game...karma is a bitch and by that I mean legal charges.

Dude in Austin Tuesday Morning: Please DO NOT cough all over the keyboard that everyone else has to use. It's called H1N1. Oink Oink...uh-oh.

Dear roomie, Please stop answering the phone when your ex-boyfriend calls. He is a jerk and if you get back together again I'm going to punch you!

I like it when you talk nerdy to me.

North Carolina going smoke free in restaurants is really go to mess up my drunken trips to Waffle House !!!

To the soccer referee I talked to today in Dowdy: I could definitely do a lot of dirty things with you.

This is what I call vomit-worthy: You left the table for literally a minute and when you came back you asked him if he missed you.

I love it when it rains and it's cold outside because it reminds me of Edward Cullen.

Can we make a game where it's Vampires vs. Wolves?

While at the library Monday night I was trying to write a paper when I found myself being unable to concentrate. Why? A group of girls were talking loudly about sexual encounters, anal sex and how they should probably see a physician. Thank you for not only making me throw up in my mouth, but reminding me of why ECU has such a nasty rep....not to mention a high STD rate.

If you just come up and ask me if I'm gay, I'll tell you. Stop going to my friends and asking them.

I think all classes should be cancelled when it's cold and rainy outside.

To the girl wearing the powder blue LaDainian Tomlinson jersey in Bate on Tuesday: will you please marry me????

Don't get angry with me when I poke you in the face with my umbrella because you can't watch where you're walking.

ECU, what the heck? You cancel school for 2 inches of rain which is like a blizzard for us, but why don't you cancel it for this crazy flood?

The only reason he's with you is because I said no to him - twice.