Pirate Rants

I figured out how to play Pokémon on my computer! I have a feeling my GPA is going to be dropping very soon

To my roommate: Stop being so cheap and pay me for the printer ink and surge protector. Or you don't get to print essays or watch TV. And the TV's mine. So give over the remote.

I'm sorry that the only people that "like" you are people that you have slept with and even they think you are a slut.

According to the preacher we are all going to hell for doing everyday things so stop arguing with him.

If electricity has electrons, then what does morality have?

Just because you share the same general facial features of a rat doesn't give you the right to act like one and sleep with all of your boyfriend's best friends.

Why do the vast majority of math professors wear socks with their sandals??

To the person saying missing one hubcap on your car looked stupid: Thanks a lot, now my car is self-conscious :'(

Quarter tank of gas: 7 dollars. Mission Impossible theme song on iTunes: 99 cents. Stealing pumpkins in the dead of night with your best friend: Priceless.

I don't know who ate my roommate's Oreo truffle, but I'm 99.9 percent sure it was some sort of paranormal being residing in my apartment. Is there a Greenville Ghostbusters?

I hate the jerks who comment on the pirate rants online about how people are "making the school look bad." I get your point, but do you really think anyone wants to read about how I'm studying for my bio test?

True Life: I'm Addicted to Facebook Games.

GO HOME if you're going to have a 30-minute long conversation on your phone in the library. I come here to study and get away from the 22 girls I live with who are just like you and never shut up.

To guys who keep changing my background on my computer to gay porn: You're the ones looking it up.

Is it bad that I kinda think the North Face Uggsluts are hot!!

Sometimes I just want to punch my ex-girlfriend in the face.

People SERIOUSLY look like their dogs...it's freaky.

Dear Roommate: Your boyfriend has tits bigger than mine....seriously??....

Have you ever stared at the back of a car and thought it resembled a face??? The eyes are the brake lights...just look...

To the guys who raided my apartment and stole all my food last weekend: For your own safety you might wanna return the bagels.

Twilight has been made into a porno.

I heard a girl say, "I found all the hot guys! They hang out in the library after dark!"...I now hang out in the library after dark.

To the girls who tried to get tan the week of Halloween: I wonder how that sunburn looked with your costumes?

Thanks to my nights as an ECU student when I die and my life flashes before my eyes I will finally recall what I did on the weekends. Go Pirates!

Today my nutrition teacher spent a whole class explaining how drinking milk wasn't actually beneficial. He just contradicted everything I have been taught for 21 years. FML

I guess it's not a party till a window breaks, huh?

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if I have to see one more of the "Warning Yaz" commercials on TV. We get the **** point!

So my relationship ended when I told my girlfriend that she didn't love me, she just loved my doggy-style.

Thank you new Trojan Ecstasy! Now I can lie to my girlfriend about having a condom on.

To my roommate, do you honestly think I believed that the stains on your bed were from a glazed doughnut you ate the other morning?

Yes roommate, I honestly wanted to know everything down to what color panties she was wearing

To the girl who thinks it's cool to have sex for Sour Skittles: do you like Reese's?

The ECU Zombie Game began Nov. 1! Did you prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse? If not, pull out your Nerf guns and join the fun today!

If I finally caught the paper, what do I chase now?

I wish my roommate would stop going from hating her boyfriend to being head over heels in love with him. Pick one. And don't wait until I get ready to go to sleep to start arguing. Just break up already.

I told my teacher I am going to miss class next month because I am going to see Toy Story at the IMAX theatre. She asked if she could come! WIN

THURSDAY NIGHT BLACK OUT!

It is not impossible to lick your elbow. My roommate can do it!

To the girl who bought 10 boxes of hot pockets in the galley last week: Please rethink your diet, or should I say, feast.

To the guy who made a reference to the sorority girls raising money on a street corner: Thanks. We do good things for others, what do you do?

Is it just me or is anyone else REALLY hoping the study group just breaks out into a huge orgy?

Yes my friends, I have purchased my new moon ticket already. Who's with me?

They should replace Valentine's Day with Halloween Spring edition

Anyone else get a ticket because you told a cop that he was only in costume?

To the guy who fell out of his chair in Joyner on Sunday night: Thanks for the free entertainment!

Why are they asking us to "Black-out" for the next football game? I already blackout for every game no matter what!

I woke up after Halloween with no hair!

Whenever I step on an acorn, I feel like I'm doing a squirrel a favor!

To my neighbor: Quit watching Meatspin with the door open.