Pirate Rants

The new Miss USA graduated from ECU! Hell, yea!

I love how all my boyfriend pays for is beer and Halo Maps.

Girls: Don't scream, holler and wave at me while I'm on my motorcycle if you're not going to sleep with me.

Dear roommate, the common room is for everyone. In the future, please go to your own room to go down on your boyfriend. Thanks!

Dear third floor neighbor, you were looking really cute without a shirt on the other night. From, the second floor "peeping toms."

BCM stole a win in kickball, then wanted to know if we wanted to pray. Any other night it would've been a yes.

Yes, I'm completely implying that I want to hook up with you on my balcony.

You're really a man. I know you are. God would not dare make a woman that ugly.

To the guy who was riding home to University Manor on Friday: I found you extremely attractive and I enjoyed our conversation. If I didn't have a boyfriend, I would have definitely tried to get with you.

Thing I never thought I'd do #23: Wake up still drunk on a couch in the HOOD with no clue how I got there or how to get home. CHECK.

You know you are a Pirate when: You pass out while peeing on the toilet, wake up five minutes later with your head against the stall, pants down and thoroughly confused.

Cute photographer: You're always my favorite part of semi and formal!

I texted my boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML.

On my way to Brewster this morning, I almost tripped right into one of those huge bushes. I could have been lost in there for days.

I feel sorry for people who use fake pictures/names on the Internet. That is just low.

To the girl in the extremely short black dress on the 901 Friday night: Please wear underwear next time. Please.

When I have a bad day, I turn to fmylife.com. Reading other peoples' failures seems to brighten my day. Does this make me a horrible person?

I feel cooler because I told all my friends that I face planted skateboarding, when actually I am not capable of stepping over a curb.

Why do girls get offended that I don't want to have sex with them?

I am glad the semester is almost over so I don't have to be around the annoying girl that is in all of my Tuesday/Thursday classes anymore.

I feel better about myself based on the number of recent wall posts on my Facebook profile. All my posts are from this month, while some of my roommates go back several months.

I put you getting punched in the back of the head at No. 4 on my list of the greatest things I have ever seen. And I'm still laughing about it.

Sorry to everyone at McDonalds on Friday night. Yes, I passed out at the wheel. What can I say? The line was taking forever. Thanks to the girl that woke me up. You probably saved me a huge ticket.

Dear ex-girlfriend, please stop texting, calling and stalking my boyfriend. It kind of creeps us out when you follow us around downtown ... thanks.

You really are as crazy as everyone says you are.

Much love to SAE for an amazing formal!

It's officially crunch time. Wonder if I can pull up my 'F' this week ...

I assume you know next to nothing about rats. Rats have no gag reflex.

ONE WEEK!

I'm in a monogamous relationship with my Blackberry.

You know you're in Greenville when you get pulled and breathalized at 10 a.m. on a Sunday.

OMG, roommate! Quit being a big ho when you drink! You have a boyfriend! How much more attention do you need?

GO HURRICANES!

Why can't I find a decent guy who will actually put some effort into the relationship?

You're not a whore because you flirt with all of my guy friends. You're a whore because you did things with a guy you barely knew in MY bed!

I'm so glad that we hung out for two weeks and then you stopped calling me for no reason. Sorry for wanting to hang out. It's not like I wanted to date you.

It's sad that I had to sell back a book just so I could practice the traditional rituals of my favorite holiday: 4/20!

I think ECU and Mother Nature have a pact to give us beautiful weekends and make it rain all week long to increase attendance. I like where your heads are at, ECU!

Yay! Barefoot on the Mall is Thursday!

I'm ready for the World Cup. Can't wait for 2010 to roll around.

To the guy wearing the "University of Try My Nuts" T-shirt: Newsflash: No one wants to try your nuts.

To the Minges bus driver who honked his horn and cursed at those morons crossing the street in front of Joyner: You made my day!

After this semester is over, I am so looking forward to eating a good home-cooked meal!

How 'bout those Pirates giving the Wolfpuppies ANOTHER smack down in baseball! Muahahahaha.

I saw my professor's armpit hair today and I almost puked.

To the biggest skank at ECU: Stop sleeping with all my friends. I don't want them to catch your Herpes!

I am too awesome to be affected by a little bit of yellow dust. I'm sorry the rest of you just can't handle it.

If you like fun, you will like the block party in Riverwalk on April 25!

I did nothing but try and make you happy and now you hardly acknowledge that I'm in the room.

Why is there a lack of outlets in the library?

Google is my spell check.

Who makes their dog a Facebook? I mean, really. Come on!

My roommate can't seem to get over his ex-girlfriend that's in high school. Any ladies willing to help change that?

Am I the only person who thinks the "I Love College" song is one of the worst pieces of music ever written?

Yay! Miss USA is a Pirate! Scandalous pictures appear in 5, 4, 3, 2 ...

I think it's funny how all of our intramural sports have a set of rules outlined on the Web site, yet the official(s) at the game, the site manager(s) and the intramural office itself refuse to enforce them. What would the world be like if the rest of our lives were as unorganized!?

You sit at your apartment, not registered for classes, living off your mom's money ... and I'm the one who's worthless? Can we look at this again, please?

I really hope Santa brings you a backbone this Christmas.

I really like you, but when I found out you had sex with a random guy while we weren't talking, it was a smack in the face. What goes around comes around.

No man is worth all the tears. But still, I let him tear my heart to pieces because I am so in love with him.

Am I the only one that hates the word "moobs"? How hard is it to say "man boobs"?

To the boy who lives in Scott: I'm LEGIT and I wish you would talk to me!

I lost my morals. Have you seen them?

This one's for my girl Meghan. Have fun at Tech next year! ECU and I will miss you lots!! Love you!

Oops, Pow, SURPRISE!

So far I've been to State, Carolina, USC, Virginia Tech and Wilmington. No one parties harder than a Pirate!

Miss America is from ECU. That proves it, we do have the hottest girls, and since there are intellectual tests, maybe we are transforming from a party school.

You've already had one Rant about your terrible extensions, yet you keep putting them in and changing the color. Doesn't matter, they are always going to look awful.

To the guy in Joyner at approximately 12:51 a.m.: BLOW YOUR NOSE!

To whoever said the new security guard in Joyner Library is hot: You probably think Larry the Cable Guy is sexy, too.

Surrender the booty Miss USA ... ARRRRGH!

I'll tell you one thing. If they made a top-10 list about the biggest alcoholics in Greenville, my roommate would be No 1. He hasn't missed a day since spring break!

To my roommate: Just because you feel like having sex with my cousin doesn't mean I feel like babysitting your dog!

To my roommate, not only can you not hang, but you're an ANGRY drunk!

I wonder if my girlfriend would mind me flirting with you ...

I'm not a Yankee; I'm a 252 now!

Someone hit my car on Easter at the Landing, and now there's red paint down the side of my car. You could have left a note.

If you are from New York, go back.

There should be a "Rock Band" tournament.

Am I the only girl who doesn't understand the fascination with Robert Pattinson? He isn't even that attractive.

This weekend is going to be perf.

If you move a table, put it back. If you move a chair, put it back. This is not difficult. You know who you are. Come on, act like the big boys and girls you claim to be.

To the girl who dips in my class: It's not attractive.

You know you're on campus way too early when your morning poo doesn't hit you until you're in the library.

I think the preacher guy needs a little pill I like to call Valium.

To the girl that sits behind me in psychology: I can't wait for our last day of class so I don't have to hear your annoying voice anymore!

What do you call a purple elephant taking a shower? Nothing, stupid! Purple elephants don't exist!

Hey, sluts! There's a difference between tan and orange.

Can't we check OneCards at the library? I saw some old guy on the public computers watching porn for an hour. And it wasn't even good porn!

When you have sex in the living room on a blow up mattress, everyone can hear you and it didn't sound like you were having fun. GET SOME!

Since when did all the guys start shopping for shorts in the little boys section?

Guys, PLEASE ... BLACK knee high socks are NOT attractive!

We are almost finished with the semester and I still haven't figured out if my professor is a male or female.

The only reason I'm ready for the semester to end is so I can sell my books back.

Why is there a Miss USA and a Miss America pageant?

WTF? No more ink or paper is being ordered for the computer lab.

I'm convinced that my roommate is Satan in girl form. The frizzy, red hair and her tendency to yell gave her identity away.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

I almost slept through my alarm this morning. Thankfully my roommate had decided that 7 a.m. was a good time to be doing the "dirty" and his girlfriend's moans woke me up instead!

Some idiot in a black SUV decided they wanted to play chicken with a Minges bus. They would have lost if the bus driver hadn't been paying attention. Stupid.

I might like you better if we slept together...

Sunglasses are like condoms for your eyes. Hopefully you're protected.

Dude, I think your food smells horrible right when you bring it in the room. Thanks for leaving it in the trash all weekend while I was gone. Now the room smells terrible. Do you not have a sense of smell?

To the couple on the bus to the Hill the other day: Girl, you need to lighten up on the man. And dude, you need to grow a pair and stop groveling.

Liberty spikes = chick magnet.

So, I'd verb her noun.

Dear roommate: It's the end of the year, the oil medicine you put on your skin smells like Pine-Sol. I don't like you and as a going away present, I might actually put Pine-Sol in there. It will be a thank you present for being so dirty.

I hate how I have to wake up every morning, get in the shower and do the butt face without you ... it kills me inside!

I just don't get how you can look at me that way one day and then totally not care about me the next. It's ridiculous.

I wish you would stop second-guessing what your heart is telling you just because everyone else doesn't understand how you truly feel about me!

All this poetry was written about you and me.

I wish more than everything that Lois Lane still wanted me to be her SUPERMAN!

I always turn the car around; It's always back to you.

Hey girl, come with me and let yourself go, because I can show you the world.

Your voice is the soundtrack of my summer and your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.

You're sweet like a cupcake and I wanna eat ya up.

The other day, my roommate walked into our apartment with the music blaring, and saw me doing an awkward pose and when he asked what I was doing. I replied, SLAPPING DA BASS MAN!

Hey red-haired girl on the Hill: You should give your boyfriend's balls back to him. He looks so pathetic sniveling around your heels like a whipped dog.

I saw the worst thing a shoe could be today -- a Sperock -- Sperry Crocs. OMG, it was hideous to look at ...

To the newly-ordained minister: ME AND MY BOYFRIEND WANT TO GET HITCHED!

Sorry to break it to you, but if you are getting this stressed over easy freshman classes and about to fail out, girl, you'll never make it through nursing school.

Dude, you got punched in the back of the head by an 11th grader. And we are all still laughing about it. Tuff stuff.

Is anyone else having trouble staying awake in science fiction?

There's something about a Southern guy's accent that just melts my heart every time.

I love college.

Dave Matthews has the sexiest eyebrow raise EVER.

Come and rock climb with me at the rock wall. You know you want to! It will be fun, I promise, and it may have a happy ending for you.

Who would have thought that an over-achieving, attractive ECU girl would win Miss USA. And ECU didn't even make the Playboy party school list!?

Which of these is not like the others: pizza, pasta, lasagna, truck?

Krod Mandoon is my new idol.

Every time my roommate leaves the room, I do a little dance.