Pirate Rants

To the cop who gave me a court date over spring break: Did you not go to college?

Is it bad that I always want to talk about drugs, sex and alcoholic experiences I've had in front of tour groups?

To the girl who parks her Jeep in the handicap spots outside of Brewster: God and I had a talk, and we feel you should save it for someone who actually can't walk on their own.

I met a guy this weekend who described himself as an amateur scientist … Don't scientists need those silly pieces of paper called degrees?

To the Yankee who talks down to me because I have a Southern accent: I spit in your wine and yes, you drank it!

Polly Pocket, thanks for being my partner in crime!

Dance like a stripper, drink like a sailor and party like a Pirate.

Can someone please move the huge air conditioner outside of Bate? Every time I walk by, it switches on and nearly makes me pee myself.

They need to have a section of the Krispy Kreme Challenge for the people who just want to eat donuts and skip the whole running part.

Every time I get on my computer, I subconsciously start playing Spider Solitaire. It's a sickness really.

I am spending spring break with my parents--oh yeah, I am living now!

You bring the blindfold and I will take you to places you have never been.

They say the economy has forced ECU to cut back on scholarships, but I sure am glad we got a cool new fountain.

Does anybody else feel like Peter Pan, never wanting to grow up and go into the real world? It's like ECU is my Never Never Land!

To everyone that came to our rave: We hope you had a great time. We definitely did.

I haven't read these "Twilight" books, but this week when I went to give blood and the dude's name was Ed I got a little uncomfortable.

Life tip of the day: Never dance at a party where the room temperature is 90 degrees with chocolate in your pocket ... always ends bad.

To the Rant about the bangs: My forehead gets cold and NEEDS a blanket!

I'm giving up class for Lent.

How does smoking pot affect my ability to wash cars? If anything, it helps me tolerate such a lousy job.

Panama City Beach is about to be invaded by the Pirate Nation. Arrrrrgh!

There's no need to push and shove your way to the aerobics class door -- it's not like those lady lumps of yours are going to be gone by spring break.

Chris Brown, you broke my heart. Do you know how hard it is going to be to resist dancing to your music?

To the girl who walks around her room with no top on every day with the blinds open: Please stop. That's not cute.

To the person who wrote Kwashiorkor & Marasmus on my desk: Thank you! I was stumped on that quiz then all of a sudden, the answers are staring me in the face!

Is anyone else tired of those automatic flushing toilets? Let me finish using the toilet before you decide to splash me with my own urine!

To the person who said it was disgusting for a girl to spit on the sidewalk: You would too if you had mucus collecting in your throat.

To the blonde girl who played basketball Monday afternoon with the guys: I loved when you tried to box me out. Meet me there at the same time next week?

Sometimes I drunk text while I'm sober.

To the girl who sits in front of me with the forest on your back: Please shave.

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a two-for-one coupon. It was expired. I paid.

I got a job offer the same day I had a midterm. If that's not a clear sign I should stop studying, I don't know what is.

I may be drunk, but I still have standards. Sorry.

Graduating from ECU in four years is like leaving the bar at 10:30 p.m., it just doesn't make any sense!

Great cartoon Tuesday! Keep it up guys!

BOSTON RED SOX 2009! BELIEVE!

To the ECU worker parked in his truck behind my dorm: Thanks for hacking that loogie and spitting it out your window. I threw up in my mouth!

Emus are the new Uggs.

Congratulations to all the boys of the ECU ICE HOCKEY team for another winning season!

Attention: I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in the pool. Thank you!

My professor tried to hide (and fix) a wedgie while giving a lecture. It didn't work so well.

That was super cool the way you talked tough to the bus driver -- as you were running off the bus.

Dear EX-boyfriend: Don't go to MY college, party with MY friends and sleep in MY BED ever again while I'm not there.

To my sexy roommate with the lip ring: Everyday I hope you'll join me in the shower.

To keep people's attention teachers should occasionally bob their head. Like a parakeet.

Does anyone know where I can get one of those "surrender the booty" hoodies?

To the guy who wore swimming trunks in the rain: Were you expecting a flood?

How ironic is it that the Krispy Kreme Challenge is the same day as "America's Next Top Model" auditions in Greenville?

Last night, my roommate and I spent 30 minutes debating the concept of "Bagelfuls."