Pirate Rants

If there is a gene needed to be "the girlfriend type"... why the HELL am I missing it?

To the people in the computer lab that take forever just to look at their Facebook: LEAVE! There are people waiting to use those computers to actually do something … not look at pictures of you throwing up drunk!

I skipped my English class to do an assignment just to find out I did it wrong and like five pages short. Ugh!

To the guy in my sociology class: What is up with the ear obsession?

Whoever keeps ranting about gingers, please shut up! No one but you likes them and no one cares!

Is there anyway I can get an ECU "bailout" on my Pirate Bucks? They are running dangerously low and I assure you, you would not like me when I'm hungry.

To the girls in biology class that smelled the bacteria in class today: Glad it wasn't anthrax in there. Way to go idiots.

I guess it's a good thing nobody thought of the Valentine's Day contest: "WIN A DATE WITH CHRIS BROWN!"

I find that a lot of people who are the know-it-alls of the class tend to have very nasally, high-pitched voices and I wish they would get laryngitis.

To the girl that lost her pink camera at the rave: Thanks for the new cam, I thought my life was over when I lost mine the night before.

I love waking up next to you. It's quite possibly the best feeling in the world. It's too bad you don't feel the same way.

When the bus pulls off the curb to the stoplight, its not going to pick you up. You look dumb chasing it and nearly getting ran over.

It was so hot the other day, I was sweating like R. Kelly at a girl scout meeting.

I tried to get a job as a soccer coach, but apparently 15 years of soccer experience means I'm unqualified.

To the guy in English: I saw your red thong. That's hot, and so are you.

Hey StillLife, maybe get some drink specials and you wont look retarded having an empty club while the PB's free beer line goes around the corner.

FYI: To the girl on the fourth floor of Jones, with the brown hair and pink highlights, your hair extensions look terrible. I suggest you get your money back.

Please don't come to the gym with us anymore. We will continue to ask you because you're our friend, but we really don't want you to ruin our workout. There, I said it.

Happy 22nd birthday, Shro! YOU are the change we need!

To the guy and girl who sit behind me in sociology: I'm sick of hearing you two flirt. Either get the guts to ask the other out or shut up while I'm trying to learn something.

How come when I walk around campus I see so many hot girls with clowns?

When my roommates and I go to the gym, we determine how many calories we have to burn by the number of beers we drank the night before. One beer = 100 calories. We have to be there for a while.

My neighbor slept on the couch last Saturday and peed on our chair, then our cat took a dump in front of the chair. Our house is turning into a toilet.

To the girl who thinks Weezy won Oscars: Umm ... he didn't. Weezy won GRAMMYS! Oscars = movies. Grammys = music. And you are not marrying him, so shut it.

As of last Thursday, I've peed in every bathroom in Bate; yes, both genders and faculty.

Just because I work in the computer lab doesn't mean that I am supposed to do your homework for you. Maybe you shouldn't be taking these classes if you can't figure out the software.

Has anyone else noticed that the sign at the intersection of Third and Meade reads THIRTH STREET and not THIRD STREET? That just really sums up the intelligence level of this city.

My roommate parked in a visitor spot to save it for his girlfriend so I left an angry sticky note on his car as a joke. He thinks a girl wrote it and watched his car all night from his room. What an idiot!

To the "free hug" girls: Thank you so much for giving me each a hug for free. It made me feel a lot better. I was having a really rough day. From: the guy that asked if the hugs were truly free.

Thanks for coming over the other night. My pillow smells like you and that helps me sleep at night!

To the person that said the Irish love flannel: WRONG-O, GENIUS! That's the Scottish. I'm surprised someone even got that wrong considering you wear green on St. Patrick's Day, not flannel.

Dear awkward friend: Please groom yourself and try a little harder to look good. The dirty bum look is out. Maybe then you could get a girl ... just saying.

Four years at this school and all we get is a luggage tag? Glad all my tuition money went toward something good.

My cap and gown looks like Barney threw up on me.

To my random hookup: I'm glad I didn't give you my number; the condom broke … sorry!

Today I watched the "Real World" and laughed at the Pirate Rant about the girl who wishes so badly to be on it. How hilariously sad.

I made out with some girl at a party and when I met up with a friend the next day I introduced myself to her roommate. It was the girl I made out with and I had no idea.

To the girl with braces who works at the MSC ticket office: You are so beautiful it hurts.

I like chocolate milk.

I saw you drop that fry on the floor at the dining hall, and I saw you pick it up and eat it.

To the Subway restaurant worker: Thanks for sneezing on my food ... I guess it's better to share the diseases and crud than keep it to yourself.

Is it bad that when I hear "babies," the first thing that I think of is Plan B?

Is Ben in grad school? I thought he graduated in May and I saw him the other day walking around on campus talking to girls.

Two muffins sittin' in an oven -- one says, "Man it's getting hot in here." The other one says, "HOLY CRAP, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

If Addison and McDreamy get back together, I'm never watching the show again.

To the person who wrote about the woman in the nursing home dying: You will die for saying that; that is awful.

I left New Jersey to find a Southern gentleman; now all I want is an arrogant Guido.