Pirate Rants

I skipped watching the Inauguration for playing the snow! There's always Youtube.

I need new friends. Mine are more like enemies. If interested, please respond!

New president and a snow day…life is good!

I am so far in debt for my education, if I hear one more person whose parents are paying for their education complain, I am going to scream.

So, if there is a delay and ECU opens up in the middle of your class time, do you still go to class?

To the guy in my dorm who goes out of his way to walk down my hall...I think you're a cutie and should stop by my room. I don't bite.

So you called me a slut for having sex with you after five months of knowing you...when you lie to your roommates about having sex with 43 girls! I'm so sick of your little man syndrome...get over it!

To the cute girl with the bag that said "Nina" on the bus on Thursday: You have the prettiest eyes of any girl I have ever met. I wish you hadn't run off so quickly or I would have told you.

Stop complaining about your "massive" amounts of homework and how they keep ruining your mood. In case you haven't noticed, we all have papers to write and tests to study for!

My roommate and I made out with twins this weekend and then proceeded to switch twins and continued making out with the other.

There are no cute boys to look at in my classes this semester. I am so disappointed.

You have no idea that half the reason I got an internship this semester was so I didn't have to live with you anymore. You used to be way cooler and now you suck.

You know how people say that pets resemble their owners? My friends and I have come to realize that smoking bowls resemble their owners too!

I hope my roommate and her boyfriend don't get married. For some reason screaming at each other and crying three times a week isn't exactly what I think of when I think of happily ever after.

My sociology professor talks just like Ron Burgundy. I bet he has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany.

I got robbed at UBE!

Who still decorates with posters? Are we in junior high?

Smart girls are hot, but dumb blondes are hotter!

If your computer is frozen, it's not because it's cold outside.

I'm not even sure if you read these or not, but I hope you do. I will never forgive you OR him for leaving me that night. I was so scared and you just didn't care. Our friendship died that night.

When I like a guy, my friends and I come up with stupid nicknames for them. Hello Blue Ocean and Arch Angel!

What's the point of getting someone's number if you're never going to call?

I am slowly losing my Indie street cred because of Miley Cyrus. Why does she have to be so catchy??!

Country music confuses me. See, the voice is really good. And the instruments sound pretty good. So why is it one giant ball of suck when put together?

Every time I see you near Austin, I want to take you into the nearest empty classroom and do horrible and dirty things to you.

I always thought it would be cool, but trying to balance three women is hard work!

When I saw you walk late into my class last week, I thought to myself two things: "Wow life, you are hilarious and cruel," and "This would happen to me..."

I wish you would grow some balls. You seem to have lost them.

I honestly think I was born to play the drums... for Rock Band!

Since when did West End get a waffle maker?!? I'm having waffles everyday now.

To the boy in my education class who's phone went off with "You and Me," by Lifehouse as the ring tone: I think you are cute and wonderful. Be mine.

There was a reason why I deleted your number out of my phone! And no, I don't miss you at all! Matter of fact, I've never been better!

To the short girl in White shower: I don't know if you've noticed but I've used the same stall since the day I got here. So maybe you should choose another one to go to.

To the girl in my anatomy class who keeps telling me to be quiet: I'm not deaf or dumb, I just DON'T care!

I have too much stuff on my plate to deal with right now. Please decide to have an emotional breakdown some other time of the year. Thanks.

If I feel lucky, I don't wear underwear!

For every Pirate Rant I see about "Twilight," I'm going to kick a box of puppies.

Oh, hot baseball player in my PR strategy class...you are the reason I come!

Why is it so hard for people to understand that I'm Latin? Just because I don't stay tan year round and have a last name like "Lopez" DOES NOT MEAN I'M NOT LATIN!

To the person that took my laundry out and put it in the dryer instead of throwing it on the floor when I was too occupied watching "Grey's Anatomy:" Thank you!

To the girls who are in love with Edward Cullen: He is NOT real. He never will be real. He is a fictional character from a book/movie. Get real. Crazies.

I'm addicted to Funfetti cupcakes

I must say, I've figured out that it's not just guys who think about sex all the time. Every guy that passes me, I consider their "do-ability." The weirdest part is that I'm still a virgin.

No, I'm pretty sure I won. You can call me a crazy cat lady all you like! It's better than what people call you!

You were so high on New Years weren't you? You took one hit of my bowl, go you! No one cares.

The fact that you even have to ask the general public about being that "creepy guy from the Internet" means that you probably definitely have already crossed that line.

So I definitely met your new roommates yesterday on the bus and come to find out, they hate you as much as we did! Typical!

I'm starting to think my roommate secretly hates me and does things to get back at me, but I'm not really doing anything mean.

I am torn between my desire to be lazy and my desire not to scare away girls by not shaving.

If there were no Internet, I would probably get out more and have a girlfriend by now. I would also be less happy, and very, very bored.