Pirate Rants

Nothing is better than free beer at Fifth Street Distillery. Nothing.

Your words are like poison. Part of me wants to hear them again, but I know they will do nothing less than kill me.

My New Year's resolution was to be the first student of 2009 to have the Rant of the Day.

My professor skipped class on the first day and I didn't. It hardly seems right.

My roommate gave me the best belated Christmas present ever: She moved out! Thanks, roomie!

Two days home for Christmas break and I was ready to come back. My parents aren't very good at beer pong.

I miss the days of getting toys for Christmas--new tires, clothes or money toward college just isn't as much fun.

My parents just don't understand--I still want their money-I just don't want to talk to them.

A Public Service Announcement: Come to the ECU Men's Basketball games.

To the guy who walks around campus meowing: I think you are sexy!

A 15-hour drive to Memphis and we STILL partied like Pirates!

I'm having a purple and gold wedding…that's how much of a Pirate I am!

I'm glad you were insistent about the fact that you weren't moving out and that my cat had to go. By the looks of your empty room, it looks like you LOST! My kitty sends his regards.

After all the partying I've done on Christmas break, I think I'm ready to stop. Everyone has to grow up some time.

I love it when restaurants play music in their restroom so I can take a dump in peace.

The five legendary myths: unicorns, dragons, Big Foot, the Loch Ness monster and men who aren't jerks.

I don't want to stop dating you because you still have my memory card.

To the person who said if they fail out of ECU they're going to move into a trailer park and get pregnant: LET'S GO!

Freshman year I lived in the clubs downtown, sophomore year I lived at house parties, junior year I live in the library and by Senior year I will probably be living in a grave because those exams were killer!

Intro to the Old Testament: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

If Santa Claus were as smart as we think he is, he would have started mass-producing clones of Edward Cullen.

If you want to lose weight, stop eating a dozen donuts and complaining that you're not losing weight!

Is it sad that when I read all these rants about terrible roommates, I hope mine is reading them and wondering if I wrote them?

To the girl I cheated off on the Math 1065 final: You ruined my winter break. You suck at math.

I hid in my closet and told my suitemate that I was at the student store and forgot my wallet and if he could run it down to me. He said yes and when he walked into the room, I walked out of the closet and told him it was a friend test and he passed.

The other night the cop behind us pulled the car in front of us for drunk driving. We were the ones with the case of beer, two of which were open and half empty! Thanks!

Attention, sorority girls! Michelob Ultra doesn't make you skinny... The REC does!

Whatever happened to Butterfinger BB's?

Pounding beers in the dorm while talking on Facebook counts as drinking with friends. Therefore, I'm not considered an alcoholic.

Sometimes when I am alone at 3 a.m. thinking about how much my life sucks, I watch Reading Rainbow and everything seems so much better.

I'm not sure who has a higher approval rating: President Bush or the New PeeDee?

You can't call yourself an ECU Pirate until you have pulled an all-nighter in Joyner Library.

The best part of college for me? I haven't put on the freshman 15. I've actually lost weight. And the kicker? I don't ever go to the REC!

One year I made a popsicle pen holder for my dad. I was so tired of eating popsicles after that. Then, one day at the store I realized they made them individually and sold them in bags.

To the guy in the white shirt watching porn in the library who occasionally looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching: BUSTED!

You know how people say, "It's not you, it's me?" Well, this time it's the truth. I have issues.

Did anyone else notice that on the GPA calculator on OneStop, "anticipated" is spelled wrong? I wonder what their "anticpated" GPA is.

Am I the only one that wonders what the guy in the Pirate suit really does when he takes a picture with you?

If he only calls you after 12 a.m. on a regular basis, you're just his booty call!

I will never live in a small town because I don't want my kids to grow up like you: stupid, fat and country.

The clock at Joyner should have a Pirate and it should sing the fight song every hour, not some creepy possessed clown that curses you at midnight!