Pirate Rants

Old PeeDee and new PeeDee need to have a fight to the death!

Who's ready for that month off of school?

I was thinking about attending UNCW…until I saw Pirate Rants!

To the guy who freaked out and drop-kicked the washer in Belk Hall: It was awesome. You looked like a ninja.

To the girl I talk to everyday before class: I just wanted to let you know you're awesome.

I would really appreciate it if the showers in Fletcher Hall were made for tall girls, so we wouldn't have to squat in the shower to avoid hitting our heads.

So, how about I stepped on a used condom on my way to class this morning…

I laugh like a donkey and like it!

To the guy in the basement of the library on Monday night: Thank you for farting by me and my friends and then running away. We heard you and then saw you cower in the corner.

Anyone notice something missing from "The Privateers Deck" banner in the stadium? Anyone?

I don't understand why my roommate feels the need to start a conversation with me about absolutely nothing when I am obviously trying to study...UGH!

To the blonde with the stringy hair and big boobs at McDonald's: I notice you noticing me.

It warms my heart to see the fake bake girls in really short shorts during winter.

Since my student fees pay for the huge plasma TVs seen everywhere on campus, is it stealing if I take one home?

If I fail college, I'm moving into a trailer park and getting pregnant!

I know you're still into me, but I'm not into you. Plus you have too many moles.

I mean really, ladies. How do you pee on the seat when you sit on the commode?

I just did the math, and even if I don't do my last three papers in English, I'll still get a 'B.' Guess who's not doing those papers!

If it snows a lot, I'm building a snowman and he WILL have a Pirate hook.

When I work out, I sweat like Michael Jackson at a Chuck E. Cheese.

You need a good slap in the face to bring you down from your cloud of crazy.

Thanks to the douche who got off the elevator on the fifth floor but pressed four, three, two and one on his way out. I had to stop at each floor on my way down.

To the person who takes a mixed drink to the library to focus: There is nothing wrong with that, because I'm there with a Pepsi bottle that isn't filled with Pepsi!

I second that buying weed with Pirate Bucks would be schweeet and then we could go use them again when we got the munchies!

Your dog is possibly the stupidest dog I have ever met...I think its retarded.

I think my roommate hates me because all our friends call me the hot roommate...and her the weird one with no friends.

Please excuse my hands.

My roommate's cat jumped in the dryer the other day when I was doing my laundry. I seriously considered just leaving her, but then I didn't want cat guts all over my whites.

WANTED: Someone messy, smelly and rude to sublease my apartment. I hate my roommate.

If you don't pay me back the money that you owe me, then I am going to steal something from you instead!

Ew, girl! That boy you're doin' the SHA NA NA with looks like he's five!

The student store rips you off so much! I paid $150 for one of my books and they only gave me $6.

To the cop that was arresting me for possession after a girl crashed into me--which brought the cop over in the first place: Thanks, that's just my life.

If you're going to tell a lie, make sure it's a good one.

Don't take it out on me that you gained a bunch of weight and now your clothes don't fit.

Lucifer raised his leg and out popped you…

Who would of thought asking a girl, "do you put out?" would work! I didn't get slapped, I got her number and we have been dating for over a year.

I wish we still had Chris Johnson. He is going to be rookie of the year in the NFL.

I would love to get my butt kicked by Wonder Woman.

I lost my fake ID...I hate my life!

Farting when you have to poop is like playing Russian Roulette with higher stakes.

I type my papers in 10-point font so that when I resize them to 12 point, I feel like I've written twice as many pages.

If my boyfriend is the person who is going to cheat on me when I go abroad next semester, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU!

To the girl I sit next to in Comm: You are probably the nicest, prettiest, most friendly girl I have met at ECU. And you don't get around...why can't you be single or have an identical sibling or two?

A question for all of you math majors/private dancers: If I walk into rumors with 100, $1 bills, how many lap dances do I get?

If you are very nice, I will let you see my Victoria's Secret Santa suit.

To my roommate: If I see your mess on the counter in our room one more time, I'm going to use your face to wipe it up!

You are the worst of the worst, and the biggest two-faced liar ever.

I am a victim of the times.

Exam week is the reason alcohol was invented.

To the people that live above me and love to blast their music so loud my bed shakes: I have consumed two full bottles of Tylenol PM this semester because of you.

Do you realize that there are never good heroin stories?

I want to zoom, zoom in your boom, boom.

All I want for Christmas is a naughty Ms. Claus!

Truth is that I miss you. Truth is that I'm lying!

I saw you under that table giving your boyfriend head in the library study room. You thought no one saw you, huh?

I wonder if it's a trend in Asia for kids to get tattoos of words in English?

DRINK LIKE A PIRATE!

We have been sleeping together since August, and now you decide to tell me that you have a girlfriend!