Pirate Rants

I'm tired of hearing about all the people that supposedly "live in the library" now that finals are coming up. I work in the library and study there! Try that for living in the library!

My math professor is an idiot! He calls us stupid, but every single problem he writes on the board, he erases it because he messes up! We are stupid?

On these cold days, I want to steal you from class, take you to my room and use our body heat to warm up!

Even though I'm not doing so hot in chemistry, I do know what a chemical reaction is and I shall do an experiment. My hypothesis is that if I light my books on fire, they will burn.

I'm not gonna lie. I'll probably cheat on you when you go study abroad next semester. Sorry in advance…

I happened to be reading the Pirate Rants the other day, and noticed my horoscope on the next page said I should go out that night, knowing I had a test the next day. I listened to my horoscope. Needless to say, I didn't do so well on my test.

I have a disease that keeps me from paying attention in class and answering e-mails in a timely manner.

I farted so loudly getting out of bed the other morning that it woke my boyfriend up out of a deep sleep. I wasn't even embarrassed because I thought it was so hilarious...but he was really angry.

I got drunk and had sex with my best friend a few times, and now I can't stop thinking about her. But she doesn't want to ruin our friendship...What the hell do I do now?

Why don't we get naked and do it in your roommate's bathroom again? Or better yet, in the living room with the blinds wide open…again.

You know you had a bad night when: Your pubic bone hurts, your thighs are bruised and you wake up and NO ONE IS THERE BESIDE YOU!

To the guy who stole my panties: Please give them back. They were my fav!

To the guy I've been seeing for the past couple of months: In the words of Cassie and Lil' Wayne, "I wanna be your official girl."

To all the guys who think it is OK to NOT text a girl back: You are seriously mistaken.

To the person who called the girls on the fifth floor of Fletcher bulimic: We aren't bulimic. We just know how to party!

To guys who don't like their relationships to have "titles": Care to explain why this is…

Baby...I'm gonna butter your bread!

What do you mean Santa doesn't exist?

One of my friends told me the reason gas was so low was because "Pirates" were holding this HUGE oil ship hostage. I'm not quite sure that this is true, but if it is...GO PIRATES!!! Arrrgh!

I love Andypoo! Yes, I'm talking to you!

I don't know what I'm going to do over winter break without my friends with me 24/7. I'm going to miss you guys so much I just might come back to school early...Yup, I just might.

This morning I found a beer bottle cap in my shoe...

I wish my acne was on my butt instead of my face so no one could see it.

My roommate and I compete to see who can be the biggest jerk.

Is it bad that I make myself a mixed drink and take it with me to the library because it helps me focus?

To the person worried about freshman not graduating in 2012 because of the world ending: It's not actually supposed to end until Dec. 21, so we'll still graduate! Yay!

To the person questioning the girls who dress up at West End: I like what I see, so ladies keep doin' your thing and showin' your goods, because I appreciate them, unlike some people.

Dear Cottage Cheese Butt, A T-shirt with poop brown leggings and Uggs is not an outfit. If I see you dressed like that one more time I will tap you on the shoulder and remind you where the Rec center is.

I told you that Mexican food was fresh and you ate it. Too bad that I kept it in my friends refrigerator for almost three weeks!

I wish I could buy weed with Pirate Bucks!

Let it snow! Greenville needs to have a blizzard!

Hey girl, I bet your lips are chapped for wearing that skirt when it is so cold outside.

If corn oil is made from corn, then what is baby oil made from?

I'll be your nice guy if you do my laundry.

My girl wants to party all the time.

To the rugby girl who wears trucker hats: Beautiful.

Being skanky is so much easier than being classy.

I know you stole my peanut butter. Because of that I suggest you keep a close eye on your Wheat Thins, because I am after them.

If I were stranded on a desert island with all the people from my microbiology class, I would just shoot myself!

I sat on the couch with my dog, tapped him on the shoulder and he looked the other way. BAH-HA-HA-HA!

Despite all the things that have been said and the figurative punches thrown, I still want you. I want to stop but I can't. I hate to love you.

You keep thinking I'm your friend, but in reality I just really wanna punch you in your jugular.

The new PeeDee should get a grill.

Love is never more passionate than after a fight. Where does that leave us?

I don't really want to admit this, but I really miss you. Or maybe I just miss the idea of you and you're really just a douche.

To anonymous cute girl: I think you should wear less and have fruit involved (though chocolate would be acceptable as well).

I go out of my way to step on the crunchy leaves on the sidewalk.

To the guy who spilled his drink Monday morning in Dowdy: I think you are really cute and I would talk to you but I'm a little shy and I don't want to scare you by randomly talking to you.

Dear roommate: I've got a wire coat hanger if you need it. Just sayin'.

Raise your hands if you love beer!

I want to stop the world and melt with you.

Since the Joyner fountain isn't on, can't we take some trash can lids and paint them pink and make a huge Plinko board?

All I want for Christmas is good grades.

To the cute boy in my biology class: It has been a lovely semester looking at you and your cute little hair and your cute little smile. I'm sad that it's almost over and I'll probably never see you again.

Stop leaving such horrible messes in the toilet, and I'll stop cleaning it with your loofah.

You're really pretty, and really cool, but sometimes I think you're too smart.

I love when the SOIS surveys come out, because then the professors start acting really nice. They know we control their fate.

You know I like you, and I'm pretty sure you like me, so why not give it a shot?

So my girlfriend looks at me lovingly and tells me that I am a wonderful fratmattress. She has no idea what the term means.

I would love to be the one who makes you happy, or feel anything at all.