Pirate Rants

Sometimes I feel like you're holding me back and that I'm missing important things in my life.

No, I wasn't in the Army. No, I didn't get shot. My friend did not save my life. However, you believed it and it did get you to sleep with me that night...four times.

As of today, you will know for sure I am moving out. It will be so nice to get dressed with the light on seeing as how you don't leave your bed.

I am just glad you are good in bed. Or should I say the closet?

I'm just saying, if they make new T-shirts with the new PeeDee on them, I am totally NOT wearing them.

The Internet was down all day Sunday. I couldn't send in any Pirate Rants. Well, guess what: I hate you too, ECU technology department.

I think watching people get hit with walls of water when you pass by on the bus could be the funniest thing ever.

To the girl who always comes in late for 8 a.m. finance class: Stop asking so many questions. You're seriously the dumbest girl alive.

Sororities are cults.

The crazy, yelling, angry "Christians" in front of the library make the rest of us normal Christians look really horrible! Most of us are NOT like that!

Dear roommate, I am not your dog, so please stop giving me commands and expecting me to follow you and grovel at everything you say.

My boss hates Pirate Rants, so I hate my boss.

Classmates of early morning classes: Please brush your teeth before class. When you yawn, I smell all that morning breath and it is horrible. Gargle or something. Please.

God, do I LOVE seeing the baseball players around campus. I can't help but bite my lip when I see one.

The cleaning lady yelled at me for walking into the bathroom while she was in there...Really?

I miss you, girl.

BABYYYY, I'M HOT JUST LIKE AN OVEN!

To the person who wants to rake a huge pile of leaves in the mall: That would be AMAZING and I will totally help you.

To whoever wrote the Pirate Rant about the guitar solo: You are AWESOME!

I work out so I can drink more.

To the person who said that the spontaneous "Bate sex scandal" was disgusting: I have one word for you: HATER!

My boyfriend has a crush on the green M&M.

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd totally tap that!

Just because you like to get high every night doesn't mean you can eat my food. I don't supply for you and your "boyfriend's" munchies.

When your boyfriend tells you that you are starting to get fat and boring, that isn't slang for "I love you"--but keeping sleeping over and telling yourself that.

Dear roommate, why did you yell at me for accidentally stepping on your ferrets tail when you stuck her in the dryer two days ago?

I like being your man on the side.

What is wrong with wanting to plunder all the booty on campus? I'm a Pirate!

To the elephants in room 411 above us: Either go to the gym or stop walking around so much, because you are keeping me up all night!

Good thing I drove, because I'm way too drunk to walk.

I'm thinking about dressing up and challenging the North Campus ninja. But I'm scared he's gonna beat me up.

I now classify the beer dip at Dr. Unks as one of my major food groups.

While we were having sex, I made my grocery list, planned my outfits for the rest of the week and finished off by pretending you were my ex-boyfriend...ouch!

CHLOROPHYLL? MORE LIKE BOROPHYLL!

I offered my roommate the last slice of my pizza, which he took. Too bad he doesn't know that I licked it on purpose.

I like to pick my nose…STILL!

We should go streaking in front of the campus preachers next time they preach.

Why are there freshman here anyway? The world's gonna end in 2012, so none of us are going to be getting our degrees!

Who is she? And why does everyone care what she said?

ALE: Please stop raining on our parade. Making a drunken fool out of yourself in public should be punishment enough.

If you piss me off, I will fart on you.

I have a rule that I'll only hook up with one boy from each frat. I'm pissed I wasted my hook up with you. There are a lot sexier brothers than you.

I think all ECU professors should be required to wear eye patches while teaching.

Who is stopping you from your polygamy indulgence? I mean, I think it sounds like a pretty good idea!

I wonder how much possession tax I have accumulated over the course of my college years?

God, forgive me. I felt really bad on Sunday morning while instead of being on my way to church I was doing the dirty in a closet. It was just too good to stop.

To the boy I busted in the nose with my shoe last Thursday night, I'm REALLY sorry! I'm currently working hard to get my alcohol problem under control.

I like Christmas Jesus the best.

All I want for Christmas is Bud Light and some soup.

I see nothing wrong with being a fratmattress and/or a sorostitute.

Just because you dye your hair brown doesn't hide the fact you're still a fire crotch.

Dear roommate, sex on your bed was great! You should go out of town more often!

How about the ECU women's soccer team! Conference champs, baby!

You know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells...delicious.

I just found out that my female gynecologist is gay.

It sucks to have a body shaped in the form of the letter "P."

When I came to ECU I could only drink half a fifth in one night. Now, I can drink a whole handle.

I wish it was just John and Kate plus 7... they should leave Mady in Hawaii.

I can do it all I want to in my room! Get earplugs. It doesn't seem to bug anyone else.

To the brunette girl I see at the Landing: YOUR WEAVE CLIPS ARE SHOWING!

To the boy who gave me mono: Wish I could say it was worth it.

Is anyone experiencing this awful thing called shrinking Pirate Bucks? I mean, geez, I'm in single digits.

To all the girls who dress up for dinner at West End: Your skimpy dresses and lack of fabric makes me loose my appetite every single night. Is it really necessary to show your goods when we are trying to eat?

Maybe if you spent less time smoking and more time working out you could make it up the Brewster stairs without being worn out.

I think it's sad that people post how they go behind other peoples backs and cheat, or pee on a tooth brush, etc. I'm appalled to know these are the people going out into the world of tomorrow. You guys need to grow up!

I think the Purple and Gold fire truck's siren should be the fight song.

Is it bad that I get drunker at the football games then any night I go downtown? I swear I don't remember any of the games fully.

One of my favorite memories of this year: My drunk neighbors acting like five-year-old boys while they tried to terrorize me and my roommates with the frogs they caught outside our apartment.