Pirate Rants

If you look back and see two guys laughing at you, it's because the way you walk cracks me up.

When you ask me if I am mad, I just say no so that you will leave me alone. That way, I don't get pissed off.

Welcome to what we call "crunch time" here at ECU. You can have a social life or make good grades. Pick one!

I am so tired of hearing about the good girls and the good guys looking for each other! How about you all meet Thursday at Wright Plaza and stop complaining about how you can't find each other!

If you do not stop using my shampoo, then I will tell everyone the real reason why you take such long showers.

Since when do Pirates go to the dentist?

To the boy who broke my heart: You better hope I don't tell the police where to find Greenville's biggest drug dealer!

To the girl in my Econ. class with the purple bandana and trucker hat: You look like Bret Michaels.

Trying to find a spot at the library is like trying to fart silently after eating Taco Bell. It just doesn't happen.

Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy.

Black nail polish plus "peace sign" jewelry makes me happy.

To the girl who had sex in the shower on the first floor of Campus Towers: I could hear you.

Dear roommate, you are psycho! Please get some help! If you come in drunk and have a psychotic breakdown again, I'm going to put your head through a wall. Thanks.

You will miss me now that I am moving on. I gave you every chance. Enjoy your life!

According to Facebook, so many of you were leaving the country if Obama won--what happened?

I hate it when I get behind slow-walking people when I'm trying to get somewhere. ...I just want to punch them in the back of the head.

I asked my roommate if she would ever pee on my toothbrush. She took too long to answer so I bought a new toothbrush.

The new Pee Dee looks more like a butt Pirate than an ECU Pirate!

Did you see South Park the other night when it showed McCain and Obama as jewel thieves trying to get the Hope Diamond, and that is the only reason they ran for office? What if it was true?!

I now know why Pee Dee has that smile. He took Enzyte.

Whenever I pour M&Ms into my hand, I get Ms, Ws, Es and 3s.

To the guy who crashed his bike at the bottom of the Hill: I saw you get hit by a car the other morning--maybe you should think about walking to class now.

To the girl who poured her Sea of Sangria into her Ugg boot and drank it: Hands down, one of the nastiest things I've seen a while. Pull it together girl.

Q: What do Christian Bale and Kimbo Slice have in common? A: They both love to hit people.

I seem to be attracted to guys who have "problems." Usually drugs addicts, but my latest attraction is a compulsive liar who is also an alcoholic. I think I'm the one with the problem though.

I hate you and your large upper gum.

Dear girlfriend: Thanks for making everything public, but let's clarify some things. The reason I'm not taking your phone calls is because I am sterile and have always been! So, obviously this tells us three things. 1) You are a cheating slut. 2) You need to contact whomever you banged while we were together. 3) Now I've got to get an STD test because of you! Its over!

I actually get a little sad on Fridays because I know there won't be any new Pirate Rants until Tuesday!

Why isn't there a statue of a Pirate ship on campus?

To the suitemate that always trims their pubes over the toilet: Can you at least clean it up so we don't get crabs?

Stop teasing me with those sexy outfits!

To my neighbors in 302: You probably didn't know it until now, but it is my goal to impregnate all four of you before I graduate from ECU. You can tell when the fall semester is drawing near--all the roommates start hating on each other through Pirate Rants.

To the girl who watched me black out in Brewster: Thanks for the help. I hope you enjoyed your McDonald's tea.

I'm pretty sure Bojangles is the cure for cancer.

To the boy I had spontaneous sex with in the Bate bathroom on Tuesday: That was the most AMAZING sex I have ever had! Same time next Tuesday?

Pirates don't smile … they plunder! ARRRGGGHHH--change Pee Dee back!

To the person that wants to go around and take pictures with all the statue Pirates around Greenville: Let's GO! I have wanted to go since the beginning of the year, but I wanted to go with someone that will take crazy pictures with me! Will you?

I have a thing for guys with girlfriends. Sorry to all their girlfriends in advance.

Boy, am I glad I grew up in the South. Not only do I have morals but I don't talk with that snooty, ignorant Northern accent!

Excuse me while I kiss the sky!

The new Pee Dee is a creeper.

I too saw that drunk girl fall behind the big booth at Boli's on Saturday night! I've been waiting FOREVER for someone to do that! It was so hilarious and embarrassing I had to laugh. But at least I'm not her roommate--that's just mean.

We need pressure censored toilets instead of motion censored ones. I usually get sprayed before I'm done!

To the girl at Croatan: I wasn't calling you a fat-a. I was joking with my fiancée. Sorry.

I find it annoying that I have to walk by the unfinished fountain everyday, and every time there are some dirty workers trying to holla. Yuck.

Listen. I broke up with you. I don't want to be friends. These things happen to people all the time. Get. Over. It.

I have such a huge crush on you and I'm afraid to tell you because it might ruin the friendship ... and us sleeping together.

I'd love to find someone to fall head over heels in love with, watch movies with and get blackout drunk with every other night.

My roomie makes gurgling sounds in her sleep. Not gonna lie, it's kinda weird.

I typed "ECU police" into the Google search bar and "ECU police beating" popped up as a suggestion.

What is simple possession of marijuana? Is there such a thing as difficult possession of marijuana?

Yeah, I rock a Members Only jacket.

I keep getting tired of people and society suggesting that women are inherently superior to men. Didn't the male chauvinists use that exact same reasoning, only switched? What ever happened to equality?

I'm scared to get an STD check because I don't know if I want to see the results.

Oh my gosh, I think I'm the ugly friend.

I saw you for the first time in a week today. I didn't realize how much I missed you! I'll never skip class again!

In order to work in the recruiting office, do you have to be female and very attractive?

I am waiting for the day someone picks up a nut and throws it back at the squirrel who threw it in the first place.

Thanks for the offer, but I'm waiting for hell to freeze over.

Great. Now we have a pedophile-looking Pee Dee. Does anyone else think the school just wasted a whole lot of OUR money on the ugly orange thing?

I think it's funny that your new girl has cottage cheese for legs.

I said what-what in the butt!

She's one of those girls that would chase a hotdog on a string down the hall.

You're a dirty girl, you're a dirty girl.

I'm on a Dave Chappelle high!

I'm a male, but I've been peeing as often as a pregnant female lately.

"No, grandma, you should be baking cookies! But wash your hands first!"

Perhaps you should ask her to dinner and find out!