Pirate Rants

To my roommate whom I haven't seen in two weeks: I'm going to start selling your things if you don't show some sign of life in the next 48 hours.

I always wonder if people who wear hats with tags plan to return them... beware of the greasy hat when buying.

So, they want to build a Wal-Mart near the river and a trash dump in a swampy area? That sounds about right.

To the girl who keeps flashing me in the bathroom: I act annoyed but I kinda like it.

To the guy who got a new Speedo: I thank the heavens above that I don't have to see your back hair curling out of it.

The shocker is not a substitute for a handshake!

The other week I saw a squirrel eating a Snickers bar. It actually peeled the wrapper back and everything.

Let's get Metallica or Coheed and Cambria for Barefoot on the Mall.

Why does my Biology 1100 teacher not know how to teach? Why does he suck? Why God, why?

OK, so I am the queen in this little chess game, but in order to start, you have to MAKE A MOVE!

I didn't break up with you to be mean, I just don't love you anymore... ouch.

If I am going to tutor on campus with the PTC, I would like to have a guaranteed parking space instead of having to park in metered parking.

A big truck and a built body does not make up for your lack of manhood. Sorry.

FORNICATOR!

How about those ECU Marching Pirates?!?

Isn't it weird when your coordinator stalks you at Wal-Mart?

My neighbor has lived here for three months and already has eight parking tickets and has been towed twice.

I hate when random girls try to have a "pee party" with me... please go away.

They couldn't have gotten anyone better than the Backstreet Boys to sing the National Anthem at game one of the World Series. Go Phillies!

I go to the gym to get away and relax. Then you show up with your annoying voice and ruin my entire night. Stay home or shut up!

I miss a sailor.

My pit bull is going to be a bumblebee for Halloween! Aren't you jealous?

My dream job is to read all the Pirate Rants that are submitted.

The maintenance people came knocking on my door while I was having sex. I thought if I did not answer the door, they would not come in, but I WAS WRONG. Sorry to the maintenance person who had to see that.

To those bothered by the SRC lifeguards: The deepest part is four feet. Stand up!

Stop sending me e-mails about my academic failures. You don't think I already know I'm not doing so hot in three of my classes? Sheesh!

To the guy who watches the girl randomly walk down the hill: Talk to her, that way it is less creepy and it might get you somewhere.

What is a Pirate's favorite subject in school? ARRRGGGHH!

I hate professors that expect all work to be in on TIME, yet they can't seem to get all work GRADED ON TIME!

Enjoy your pumpkin while you can because that stupid dinosaur is gonna get smashed.

When there's a Rant about a beautiful girl, I like to think it's about me.

I cheated in one of my classes with my toes.

You've been using the same towel since school started. Please wash it for once!

Stay away from my man. You're not pretty and you're an annoying drunk. He's obviously not into you, so BACK OFF!

It's going to take a lot more than warm water to wash that cereal bowl out...you are nasty.

Could someone please tell me why girls insist on looking burnt orange when it's clearly cold outside and no longer summer? Your "fake bake" is trashy and not cute at all. Go pale like the rest of humanity.

To the guy that came up to my friend and I today and gave us the awkward wave on Tuesday: Next time, sit with us so you don't have to aimlessly walk around the Plaza and Dowdy.

"Banner Self Service" sounds dirty.

I sat in front of a girl on the brown bus today who clearly likes to hear herself talk. Sorry girl, you're definitely not as interesting or cool as you think you are.

To the girl in my psychology class: You ruin all your outfits with your shoes. They never match and are way tacky.

I have nothing against Obama or McCain, but it's their obnoxious supporters that make me not want to vote for either one.

My roommate doesn't wear shower shoes.

A little bit of advice Mr. Virgin: Get to know the person first before you ask them to be your girlfriend... you're creepy!

I'm voting green party this year. Taking sides between Obama and McCain is like picking between dumb and dumber!

So what if you're gay and you have girls hit on you on the drunk bus while you're driving. Take it as a compliment and shut your mouth!

Sometimes I feel like Pee Wee Herman when I ride my bike.

I don't get why some girls wear short dresses and heels to class like they are going to the club. Then they complain about being cold! Wear some clothes!

To the girl who sits in front of me: QUIT putting on your makeup in class. It doesn't do you justice.

Hey roommate! If you're gonna do it, please throw away your wrappers in the trash. THANK YOU!

It's kinda sad how OBSESSED you are with your boyfriend.

To the owner of the pink Paul Frank bike that's always parked outside the art building: I love it, where did you get it?

I think we should tear down the crappiest building on campus and build a roller coaster in its place.

To that one girl in Umstead: Please stop trying so hard. You are acting pathetic, and it's giving the rest of us girls here a bad name.

To my neighbor at University Manor who sings and plays their guitar late at night: You sound great! Serenade me, please!

Is it bad that I laugh hysterically when people fall on their bikes or skateboards on campus?

I love that you write, "I love you" on my hand!

To the guy who was mugged on Friday night on Fifth Street: I was the one girls behind you who called 911, just wanted to make sure you were alright.