Pirate Rants

Girls always want to know where the good guys at ECU are. Maybe if you look in places other then the bars you will find one.

I can't pass my classes because I used all my brain in the beginning of the semester talking with financial aid.

I have an identical twin sister. Could we please tell the people at West End that so that I can get food? I am not the same person coming up twice!

To the guy who sat beside me at the game and then glared at me because I stood up and cheered: Sorry if I have school pride.

If you pee on my floor one more time, I'm going to pee in your bed.

Who wants a maverick for president? How about a PIRATE?

I want to know why my professor yells words like "the" and "perhaps." Unless those are answers for questions on the test, you don't have to yell them.

The Bible says that the meek shall inherit the earth. We're waiting!

A new lime for my Corona? Yes, please!

I find it ironic that my environmentalist professor uses more paper on his slides than any other professor I've ever had.

The Pumpkin Javalanche is boo-tastic!

My nose hairs wilt when I open my friend's dorm room.

When you laugh with your head bobbing up and down, you look like a horse eating hay.

My roommate is a pathological liar. If you know who you are, I know you lie ALL the time!

Sometimes I think the editor of the Pirate Rants is more of a romantic than anything else. Why else would my rants against couples and PDA not get in?

I know we're just friends, but I like imagining sleeping with you while I stare at the back of your head in class.

Lil' Wayne for president.

EMELIO!

Why do cast members of VH1's love shows keep getting their own love shows?

I'm glad it decided to get cold right when I got my new Speedo.

To the Pirate guy with the parrot: I love you and want to have your babies!

To the people that would rather use that 99.9 percent germ killing sanitizer: You really wanna walk around with sanitized doo doo on your hands?

I think that the zero tolerance policy should include stupidity.

Is it bad that I think Tina Fey plays a better Sarah Palin than Sarah herself?

To whoever tore down the Bob Barr signs and replaced them with Obama signs: Congratulations. You showed just how "open-minded" you pawns really are. As if Obama really needs more exposure. Everyone knows who he is!

I always see candy corn in bags, but never fresh on the candy cob.

How was my weekend? I woke up wearing a ski hat and holding a glow stick.

My roommate is on so many drugs I think she has officially fried her brain.

Halloween: The only time of year where you can dress like a whore, get drunk, make mistakes and not THAT many people will give you grief for it.

A guy named Steve keeps calling me at 7 a.m. looking for a girl named Laura. Steve, Laura probably gave you the wrong number on purpose. Stop waking me up.

My cat shakes his butt when he poops.

To the guy in the suite next to mine: Quit singing. PLEASE?

I wish someone would have told me how much work college was going to be -I would have taken 10 years off after high school.

Don't get caught with your pants down.

I HATE ECU SQUIRRELS! Apparently, they don't know the unspoken rule about always needing to have five feet between people and squirrels!

Did you know that ECU has a 33 percent STD rate? Something to think about when randomly sleeping with anything with a pulse.

To the person who wrote a Rant to "cricket-legs:" That was just rude. I'm sure that she is beautiful on the inside and out, unlike you.

To person who thinks that Southerners are judgmental: Thank goodness someone else thinks they're nuts. We should do lunch.

You will never be able to love me the way I love you--narcissism gets in the way again.

My teacher says there's nothing wrong with being drunk.

I wish Britney and Paris would start screwing up again so we could stop hearing about this election.

So many trashy costumes to choose from, so little time!

Did anyone else notice the giant stuffed penis on the second floor of the library?

My roommate is the real man-bear-pig.

Why do we get kicked out of classes because ECU loses our transcripts?

The next time you come to class reeking of cigarettes and B.O., I'm going to Febreeze you.

Bisexual people are like Hannah Montana...they get the best of both worlds.

My roommate is pissing me off, but I don't want to confront him about it because I need a ride home this weekend.

I could make a documentary about you and your life. You're like an animal in the zoo that does the same thing: you only get out of your cage to get food.