Pirate Rants

Aww, I think it's so sweet when boys push the handicap button to open the door for me.

People, please do not be fooled: OBAMA IS A FERARRI WITHOUT AN ENGINE!

How can you have us all sign up for advising appointments, then "suddenly" get summoned for jury duty and not have the common courtesy to send an e-mail out and let us know.

To the girl I see walking down College Hill very randomly during the week: I wish I were brave enough to talk to you. You are the epitome of beautiful.

To the Jewish girl with the long blonde hair: I'd convert for you.

To the person in Jones Hall that keeps crapping/throwing up on the toilet seat: How can you miss a hole that big? Please stop. I don't want to clean that up just to use the bathroom.

To the guy on the third floor of the library who just tripped over my computer chord and almost busted your butt in front of all of us: I'm sorry, and I tried really hard not to laugh while you were still in sight. I'm here a lot, so watch out next time.

Don't be shy. If you like me, tell me.

Forget McCain and Obama. I should be president.

I'm sorry that I don't have enough balls to play rugby. You see, I actually enjoy running around and catching a Frisbee as opposed to running around half naked grabbing other sweaty men. To each his own, I guess.

ECU has got the Sports Illustrated Cheerleader of the week, and she's drop-dead gorgeous!

All you need is love.

I hate you, and I hope you die of your fake testicular cancer.

I've been dating this guy exclusively for almost four months but he won't let me refer to him as my boyfriend.

Is it just me, or are people in the South way too judgmental?

How about I turn my paper in when I feel like it and you just teach me the same bull I've heard over and over. Sound like a plan?

Jenna Jameson is my hero. End of story.

Is anyone else as excited as I am about the Humane Society's Howl-O-Ween Festival this weekend at the dog park?

I sure am glad I didn't waste my time going to see that there Palin, donchyaknow.

OK, so I'm not sorry for laughing about your John Deere tattoo.

If McCain dies in office, then we going to be left with brain dead Caribou Barbie. R.E.M. was right -it IS the end of the world.

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that the SRC lifeguards look more at their homework/magazines/ceiling than the pool?

I don't know what to do: I love ECU so much that my home, with my family, doesn't feel like home anymore. What have you done to me ECU?

To every pedestrian on campus: If you do not stop to look both ways for a bike then I'm running you over. I'm getting tired of you guys walking in front of me!

I smoke cigarettes recreationally. Does that mean I have to put that I am a smoker on my health forms?

I wish I were like the lead singer from "Rage Against the Machine" so I could get paid millions of dollars to yell the same things over and over.

I'm on my way to constipation. All I eat is pizza and Easy Mac.

I went on the scavenger hunt to the bell...there was no $5!

I was not paying attention and got on the wrong bus. So let's just say I took the scenic route to work.

I was on the bus and the driver was ready to go. There was a student that tried to make it through the doors before they closed and got his fingers stuck! I know it was an accident, but the driver didn't even say he was sorry!

Cops are party poopers.

At first I was upset because I wasn't seeing the friendship in this "friends with benefits" thing. Now I'm upset because I'm not getting as many benefits. I think we need to find a good medium.

I have turned into the girl I never wanted to be, and I'm OK with it.

I have a dead person on my Facebook, but I feel bad to delete her, but feel weird to write her like the rest of the world does.

Don't be naked next to any fishing lures.

I write "why so serious?" on every desk I sit at!

The Joyner water wall is mighty dry.

I rant what I can rant when I can rant it.

I believe that my chemistry professor is an idiot. Of course I have more interesting things to do then balancing equations all weekend!

Is it possible to be a candytarian?

It took 3.5 hours to donate blood. No wonder the Red Cross is having problems with getting people to go.

Who has not seen Bon Qui Qui on YouTube?

I am tired of my friends trying to convert me into a lesbian! I like MEN!

I saw this guy hop over two barbed wire fences to get into the fair and all I thought of was the NCC ninja. Lol. What if it really was him?

I'll be your huckleberry.

Y'all didn't have to leave out of the window-the door was unlocked and we weren't going to, like, force you to stay. It's all good; just walk out of the door.

Students come in late, eat in class and fall asleep. Yet I'm yelled at for typing up notes.

I thought ladies liked tall guys with long hair. Come on. Girl, you know you want to run your fingers through my glorious brown hair.

I've got an idea for the next reality show. It's called, "So You Think You're a Pirate."

Why are the paper towels in Bate so close to the urinals? Someone was trying to dry their hands and I felt like I was being molested.

I ate peanuts and watched Daffy Duck for an hour. I know what you're all thinking. I do NOT do drugs.

Why is there always a huge mess on the ground wherever there are copies of TEC? How hard is it to take a paper without trashing the place?

Come on everybody, if you wanna take a chance, just get on the floor and do the new kids dance.

To the person with the 3.7 GPA that feels like a failure: I want to slap you in the face.

I punched the parking meter so it would take my quarter. Instead of adding 15 minutes, it read "out of order."

Dear cricket-legs: Stop wearing skank shorts. I do not enjoy seeing your flabby butt and legs during math class!

Now that I am a senior, everyone's favorite question is, "what are you going to do when you graduate?" I simply respond, "I don't know," and cite my resume, which starts off with... Objective: WTFIW (Whatever The F I Want).

A boy on a bike was recently shot with a BB gun while traveling on Fourth Street. All I am saying is lucky for you-- you didn't ride by on potato gun day. It's just a flesh wound! Rub some dirt on it!