Pirate Rants

I am voting for the most attractive politicians. So, can we please put pictures on the ballot?

Warning: Killer squirrels stalk on campus.

To the girl on the first floor of Fletcher: You might consider closing your window when you get dressed after your shower!

Lets keep supporting ECU football; everyone has a rough stretch every now and then ... LETS GO PIRATES! ARRRGH!

To the guy I hook up with when I'm drunk: I'm starting to like you when I'm sober too, and it scares me.

I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression, but I really just love scandal!

So I was trying to be festive for Halloween and set out two cute pumpkins outside of the apartment, and I wake up to find one kicked in the bushes and the other gone. Who steals pumpkins?!?

Don't piss me off...I have a cold and I will cough and sneeze on you!

Ultimate Frisbee is whack. Grow some balls and play a real sport...like rugby.

To all the students here: When you are walking to class, PLEASE PICK A DIRECTION to walk in because I am tired of zig-zagging around you.

Just wanted to let all my ECU ladies know: Y'all lookin' good--keep it up!

What does lipstick have to do with politics? Silly girls...

The 30 minutes of exercise I do makes me feel like it's OK to eat half a tube of raw cookie dough.

I wish I only had two fat rolls instead of three ... yes, that would be nice.

It's sad that I'm having to base my vote for president on which one is the lesser of two evils. GO OBAMA! ...I think.

To those of you who just see ECU as a party school: Have fun with unemployment!

I will say "paper-thin" however many times I want until you do come over here and do something about it. But I want to warn you that you will be picking your face off one of these PAPER-THIN WALLS!

Why is it that I study from 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. and still fail my midterm?

I'll be glad when the election is over so I won't have to read anymore misinformed political Pirate Rants.

Why is there an ad for N.C. State on The East Carolinian's Web site?

To the three freshman sorority girls who everyone saw making a fool of themselves downtown: You're slutty and disgusting. Maybe you should take control of your lives before you ruin them. Good job on choosing a real CLASSY sorority.

Ha, ha that's funny. I have memorized all of the words to those commercials too!

To the girl with the mermaid tattoo on her foot: I think you're wonderful.

I miss the days when boys had cooties and girls were "gross."

The boys across the breezeway from me: Must have made some serious enemies. I came out of my apartment this morning to see a HUGE piece of poop sitting outside their door. There is NO WAY that came out of an animal, either. It was totally human poop.

So my girlfriend got sick and threw up all over my room. I now have a red stained trail coming from my bed going all the way to my bathroom.

Minus your personality, you're actually quite perfect.

During football games we need to have Pee Dee out there instead of some fake Jack Sparrow.

Thank you, TEC! I only have one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and wouldn't go if there wasn't a new edition to be picked up!

Does a busted eardrum really hurt that bad? It's not like I meant to do it! Quit acting like a 5-year-old girl!

Don't come to a class with a NO ATTENDANCE POLICY, to sit there and talk to your wannabe boyfriend. Some of us are here to LEARN.

I just wanted to say thank you to the guy who brought the WWF into ECU Intramural coed soccer and completely took me out. I'm really hurt.

To the guy and girl in Umstead on the second floor: PLEASE close your blinds and cut off the lights when you decide to get a little action. Everyone in the parking lot saw you. Thanks.

I enjoy buying a pound of blow … pops from the Dowdy Student Stores!

A flying grasshopper fell into my sub at Subway while I was eating at the Subway store ... No, I didn't get a free one.

You like 4:19 better because its almost 4:20! Best time of the day!

I picked a major I like and will one day be living in a cardboard box.

Maybe we shouldn't have a president. We should try having a king for four years and see how that works out for us.

I can understand why people think ECU is filled with sluts, after reading all the Pirate Rants about women sleeping around to get revenge!

I'm sick of taking tests on useless information. When I get a job in the real world and I don't know the answer to a question, I'm asking Google.

Please put Sudoku and Crosswords in the paper each issue. I can't deal with sitting through class and actually learning.

What happens when you die? Nobody knows …

I like how you sit right behind me and talk crap about my sorority because it's not a social sorority. Last time I checked my sorority is helping others. What does your sorority do ... provide ECU with more STD's?!

Attention women of ECU: I have a sprained ACL. I may need one or several personal nurses to help me through my day.

I wouldn't cheat on the tests if you wouldn't make the questions so hard.

Peanut butter M&M's are by far the best M&M's.

My roommate asked me if the movie Ironman was based on a true story after watching it...

Who would win in a fight between Darth Vader and The Predator?

The worst movie ever made is Troll 2; YouTube the highlights from it. You will die from laughter.

Neighbors: Stop knocking on our door. We're inside, we just don't like any of you.

Palin's a VPILF.

So there was a "Sex 101" class in the dorm lobby a few days ago. They told us to practice safe sex, and they passed out free Lifestyle condoms. Well, a few nights later, I had a Lifestyle condom break while "in the act." ...So much for practicing safe sex.

If you want crappy things to stop happening in your life, then stop accepting crap and demand something more.

ATTENTION: Smoking can reveal hidden laser traps.

To all freshmen out there: They are called professors, not teachers. A teacher's job is to make sure you are taught. A professor's job is to stand before a group and profess his or her knowledge. Get the difference?

I want a piece of the AGRO CRAG.

What if for one night, we weren't co-workers? What if we were co-people?

My bus driver hit a woman ... the woman kept walking ... and the bus driver just drove on to the bus stop ... weird.

Next time I am on campus and someone is walking really slow in front of me on their cell phone, I am going to trip them.

When I graduate, I want to work for Diddy.

Watch where and when you pick your wedgies.