Pirate Rants

When I get sick, I like to be around lots of people I don't like. That way, next week they'll feel just as horrible.

I'm not afraid of McCain becoming president, but I'm afraid that he might die and Palin would become president. Then we'll all be screwed!

Every time I stay at my boyfriend's house, I feel like it's a competition with his roommate at who is having sex the loudest.

I got my coworker fired...it feels good.

I love October. I've already eaten 5,000 candy corns.

I think Biden has sexy dentures!

To the girl in the third floor cubicle at Joyner on Sunday night: I'm trying to study…Why can't you shut up?!

The only time I hate being a guy is when I really have to pee and my hands are very cold.

MA! THE MEATLOAF!

I never believed the clubs downtown profiled people until it happened to me! BOO to the O.P.!

If that's the high life, puff puff...then I pass!

To the two people arguing in the library Monday night about whether or not the guy added some girl on Facebook: Please shut up, I'm writing a paper. Thanks.

Please stop inviting me to all your Christian events. I don't want to be rude and tell you I'm an atheist.

Can someone explain to me about these girls that wear cross necklaces hanging in their cleavage?

Does your girlfriend know that you're a crazy stalker? And that you still text me when I tell you to stop?

I swear, if I miss another midterm because you got me sick, I will flip out. Next time stay home and don't bring your germs to class!

I think it's sexy when girls come up and hit on me before I hit on them.

If you say 'the walls are paper-thin' one more time, I might beat your face until it is paper-thin.

How do you not know how to make Hamburger Helper? The directions are on the back of the box.

If you hate living here so much and are so unsatisfied, then why don't you just move out? It's like you don't exist anyway, so it isn't like we would notice if you were gone.

You know she has an STD when you pick her up for the first time from a bar called "Players" at 12 a.m. on a Friday night.

To the girl who sits below me in English class: STOP PICKING YOUR SCAB AND WIPING THE BLOOD OFF WITH YOUR DRINK LID! I ALMOST VOMITED!

I recently had an epiphany. NOOOOOOOO, I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you or even look at you. Take the hint already and leave me the heck alone. NOW. Thanks.

Why did they take the "Did you know?" section out of the East Carolinian? Bring it back and forget the horoscopes!

You know your school has too many STDs when you go to submit Pirate Rants and there is an advertisement that wants you to make a donation toward condoms.

Is there a tutoring class where I can learn how to pick up girls, keep them interested me and date them more than five minutes?

To the dude who kissed me on the forehead because you liked my pong form the other night: It was kind of weird but you can do it again if you want.

If your pit bull poops by my steps one more time, I'm going to pick it up and shove it in your face.

I wish I grew up in the 60s. Being a hippie is my life goal.

Drugs may lead nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people burned at the stake.

I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?

My room is NOT a toilet, so would guys please stop peeing in it!

A new toilet paper has been developed for college restrooms -it's an inch wide and one micron thick. One roll lasts three years. Officials say savings can be used to fund college fountains.

To the guy that said, "You smell good" in math class after handing me my calculator back, I actually didn't take a shower that day, but thanks anyways. Nice gesture.

To the moron that stated Clinton's economic success was because of Bush, Sr. and Reagan: Brush up on your U.S. history. I bet you voted for Bush and I bet you'll vote for McCain. Good luck finding a job once you graduate ... if you do.

I was walking to class when I heard a guy in front of me say, "I think its cool when a girl farts."

Why is it OK for guys to randomly hook up with hundreds of girls, but when a girl does the same, there's something wrong with her? Oh well, I'll just keep doing it!

I think it should be a requirement for ECU students to change their Facebook language to pirate.

I have memorized almost every word to the freecreditreportcard.com commercials. They are just so catchy.

I slept with her once and I caught feelings. I caught 'em bad.

I think it's really gross when you pop your back acne in class and I sit right behind you. I'm really scared I'm going to get a squirt of zit juice one day.

I think that all the Arby's in Greenville should change their name to Arrrggghby's.

After I finished the College Alcohol Course, I felt like I needed a drink....

My boyfriend makes the lamest jokes. But I pretend to laugh anyways. Sororities are dumb and kind of lame.

How do you not know that I have a crush on you? I see you every Monday and Wednesday lookin' ohhh so fine! I'll give you a hint: We have math class together.

Power hungry= A tool.

I would be rich if I got a dollar every time someone said they liked my curly hair!!!

To the girl who whines about people not washing their hands: I prefer Germ-X! It kills 99.9 percent of all bacteria, so don't count on me getting sick.

To the girl with the sexy glasses: I see you downtown all the time with your crazy-haired friend! Do you two even go here?

I love spending time in Target with you!

Why do my professors load me up with all this work before fall break? IT'S NOT FINALS WEEK!

I'm lucky to be in love with my best friend!

Everyone knows that an Obama-Palin 2008 campaign would have rocked the socks off those old men.

So it's sorta, kinda, not really confirmed that Lupe won the concert survey. Now can we sorta, kinda, not really get a decent presidential candidate?

I stopped going to therapy and started writing Pirate Rants!

NCC Ninja needs to meet J-Bug and eat some Ninja Nachos...just sayin'.

Did anyone see that hot chick at the Code of Conduct booth last Wednesday? I gotta get her name!

Ultimate Frisbee every Tuesday and Thursday at the bottom of College Hill, 5 p.m.!

MAVERICK!!!

Weight-loss supplement PLUS 10,000 candies and some cookies YIELDS no results.

I'M NOT RACIST! I just enjoy racist comments.

If I were a guy, I'd definately pledge Beta Theta Pi.

Did you really just get locked IN your room?