Pirate Rants

I don't understand how The Exchange magically changes their name to "The Landing" and then changes it back three days later... I'm so confused. Where do I live?

Don't worry, Ben is back in Greenville... I saw him in the library the other day when he introduced himself to me for the 13th billion time.

I have a 3.7 GPA and still feel like a failure.

Scavenger hunt! Five dollars in the Bell.

I laugh every day at the load of bull he fed you to get you back in bed... Saying my number is in his recent calls to tell me that we can't be friends anymore... HA CAN YOU GET ANYMORE GULLIBLE?

What if they were just making drugs in chem. lab for ECU's profit? Would we ever know?

Ask the girl out upstairs instead of playing Halo all day.

Has anyone seen the girl who recently died her hair really dark and lets it hang all in her face on campus? I often find myself mistaking her for The Grudge until she turns her head and I see how orange her face is. The Grudge girl is way too pale to be her... disappointed. I'm the only guy in my class and I'm married. Fellas: Now taking bids on my seat.

That's what she said.

Seriously, Sean Kingston to talk about politics? Come on...

Flossin' ain't just for gangstas.'

I can't wait to finally take a year off of school and do nothing. Thank you Bush for ruining the economy and making it even more difficult to get student loans!

I'm an early bird and a night owl, so I am wise and I have worms.

To the boy who sits about three desks across from me in sociology Monday, Wednesday and Friday: I think you are gorgeous.

If you were a dirt nasty sex machine, we'd be married already.

Never let a lady Pirate check your prostate. You'll get "hooked."

She didn't "accidentally" get good in bed.

Parents weekend SUCKED! I should not have to be kicked out of my student parking for all the parents and they should NOT tell me to park on West End, or pay the $20. FIX THIS NEXT YEAR.

My roommate's fish mysteriously died last year. Coincidently after I sprayed Lysol disinfectant cleaner in the bowl. Oops.

People, when you go to the voting polls on NOV. 4 please do NOT wear any clothing that represents anybody running in this race...THEY WILL TURN YOU AROUND AND REFUSE YOU THE RIGHT TO VOTE. Real talk...pass the word, PLEASE!

Someone called me a cracker.... I laughed so hard!

I wish my homework was sex; I would do it all the time.

To the girl who started her period late Saturday night, you left your dirty thong in my dorm room. Please come get it, I'm not sure what to do with this...

The only thing funnier than Tina Fey on SNL as Sarah Palin is the real interview Palin had with Katie Couric. Pew, pew, pew!

BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

To the two boys who play football in the Campus Towers parking lot: Find somewhere else to play. I recommend the huge grassy area right in front of Mendenhall…it's like two feet away.

To: The straight, short, dark-haired gal with freckles and the tie die shirt that walks to class like she's walking the cat walk for iPod. From: The lesbian you think is awesome. WHY CAN'T YOU BE CURIOUS?!?!?!

My roommate moans when she sleeps. I can handle it if you snore, but moaning...I just have one question for you, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!

My boyfriend puts on camouflage at least once a week and hides in the woods until I find him.

I wish girls wouldn't apologize for getting my bed wet. Sweetheart, that's why I have a washing machine.

If you MUST sing off-key first thing in the morning, please sit ANYwhere but directly behind me on an otherwise empty bus. Your warbling was giving me a headache.

To the person on Curry Court: I am a bus driver and you have to pull the stop request cord to make the bus stop at Stratford Arms. It is a road stop, meaning it stops on the road in traffic.

At least the ECU football team won't lose this weekend.

Stop blaming Bush for the economy. It takes almost a decade for economic policy to kick in. So thank your buddy Clinton. And Clinton can thank Bush, Sr. and Reaganomics for his "apparent" economic success.

To the guy that is sitting in Wright Place: Crack kills! Especially hairy ones!

The Copper Beech banshee challenges the NCC ninja!

Brunettes, take a hint. Pigtails are sexy!

To my fellow Pirate ladies: Please, PLEASE! If you're going to wear a shirt that shows your underarms, take the time to shave. It's awfully distracting when you raise your hand in class and all I see is a new national rainforest.

OK, so I get the poof hair when it looks neat, but why do other girls on this campus think it is cute to have a rat's nest on their head? Or maybe the IBF look? But it's not HOT… you look like a tramp who couldn't fix her hair or do you not own a mirror to see the back/top of your hair?

Thanks Mr. Policeman. I really thank you for not coming to get the poisonous snake that was on my doorstep. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I made out with somebody's dad downtown this past parents weekend.

Copper Beech never sleeps.

Rack 'em, Rack, rack 'em. Rack, rack ball!

To the Aycock Hall poop bandit: You WILL be found, and when you do, I will post flyers of your face all around campus so everybody can laugh at the fact that you got kicked out of school for pooping in the showers.

There's a Facebook group dedicated solely to Pirate Rants now--go check it out!

To the people who puke and pee in the breezeway outside my apartment: If I catch you in the act, I'm going to curb-stomp you.

Family Weekend tickets at ECU: $195. Bet that ECU was going to win: $20. The best part of the game; seeing PeeDee dance. Priceless.

I watched you put on lotion through your window last night. Please keep your blinds open more for my temporary entertainment. I adored every last second.

Just wanted to say thanks to the girls that wore skirts at today's game. I got to see a couple of you girls' white and pink panties. Because either a) you wore too short of a skirt or b) you just didn't want to close your legs while sitting with your parents in Todd Dining Hall. I had a stiff one all day during the game. Thanks again!

To my roomie: Please stop trying to be quiet when masturbating in the middle of night when I am trying to go to sleep... I can totally hear you.

For my next feat...the NCC ninja will climb on top of Austin.

To the girl who had explosive diarrhea on the girls bathroom floor at the distillery Saturday night... how does that even happen?! You should be mortified.

To the girl who works at Hooters that lost a phone at the game: I found it. Nice pictures...

To the driver of a Ford Explorer SportTrack with a surfboard in the back, ECU license plates and a Skully sticker in the back window driving down Highway 61 in Charleston, S.C. last week: I love you. GO PIRATES!

I told my dad that I thought I might have to start stripping to pay my bills. He immediately deposited money in my bank account.

In honor of vegetarian awareness month, I will be eating STEAK at EVERY meal! GO MEAT!!