Pirate Rants

To the people upstairs: I can hear you DOING IT every morning! Please be quieter, or do it somewhere else!

If I get another possession of alcohol ticket, my mom is going to make me drop out of school. Get off me ALE!

To the bus driver who listens to country: Thank you! You make my day! Even when they play Hank, Jr. and everyone complains, you still let it play! You make me smile!

Stop trying to run me over with your skateboard!

I think ECU lost the Hawaii Bowl trophy. I tried looking for it in the Murphy Center and the Pirate Club office, and everyone I asked doesn't know where it is.

Just a reality check: Shouldn't we vote for a president who will be the best for the job regardless of how old they are, what their sex is, or what there skin color is?

Just like the morning after pill, you were Plan B. That's nothing to be proud of.

Dear pirates: Did you know you can walk from main campus to Minges? Be green-- it only takes a little bit longer and you get some extra exercise!

According to Bear Grylls the only true way to drink pee, is out of snakeskin.

If real life is like The Office, I can't wait to graduate.

I will forever run around barefooted! Hooray for tetanus infected, sewage covered feet!

I hooked up with a girl from a Christian organization…

Homework Manager = Lazy Professor.

To the girl in the white pants in front of Dowdy: I hope that was a Reese's cup you sat on.

Here's a hint: If your house smells like eggs and you've never eaten them, clean up!

My friend bought this new perfume and I don't know how to tell her she smells like a dill pickle.

I want to be Beau's Buddy!

I thought we hit it off...or was that just the alcohol?

I do crosswords in pen. That's right, ladies, pen.

To the girl that sits beside me in class: Three words...silent, but deadly.

I just overheard someone on the phone asking if '0' was a whole number. How did he get into college??

I secretly want to throw a stick between the spokes of all the bike riders on campus and watch them fall.

I wish ECU was a smoke-free campus!

My RA wants to sleep with his freshman girlfriend... just sayin'.

I've faked throwing up every morning for the past three days to trick my roommate into thinking that I'm pregnant.

True story: If people can't handle the Facebook change, how are they going to deal with the presidential "change" Obama has planned?

You're so vain, I bet you think this rant is about you.

I'm your boyfriend's next girlfriend!

I noticed that even shifting my eyes slightly downwards is very noticeable. So much for all those times I thought I was being sneaky and looking at a girl's cleavage while I THOUGHT I was maintaining eye contact...

Whenever I see couples holding hands I have the spontaneous urge to play red rover.

I am thoroughly convinced that Hannah Montana is the antichrist.

I MISS BEN!

I say a little prayer to myself before I walk up the stairs, hoping I won't pass you.

Remind me again why Conference USA refs called the game in an ACC stadium?

D-Dog, this is the freaking Catalina Wine Mixer!

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are purple.

Bring back "Friends Eat Free" Friday at the cafeterias. I miss taking in friends for free lunch in Todd.

To the guy who wiped out on his bike on the hill: Wow, are you ok? I give it a 10!

Getting beat by State was unacceptable. We are better than that. Maybe when we fall out of the rankings, we'll get our fire back.

To the guy who accidentally threw a lighter at a squirrel and had the crazy girl flip him off and yell through the Chick-fil-A window...sorry about that. My bad.

Wipe off the machines after you work out you dirty slobs! I do NOT want to sit in your sweat.

Carl Winslow is gay. Literally.

It's a shame when a grown man doesn't get a Star Wars reference.

I don't mind the new Facebook as much as I mind human trafficking or terrorism. How's that for a healthy dose of perspective?

That was a reflippindiculous game Saturday. What happened?!

Get off the phone, we're tired of you constantly being on it. Enough is enough.

Everybody needs a little Hookah Haze.

Greenville should really consider donating recycling containers to all the bars. I hate hearing them clean up after 2 a.m., and all those cans are just thrown away.

There was a dark and gloomy cloud hanging over Greenville Saturday, but the clouds will part and we will live to fight another day. Go Pirates!

A 62-year-old Wolfpack fan felt the need to talk smack to me the WHOLE game and told me to get a STD test after the game. You tell me who has more class.

We should have kicked the field goal.

School is so much better high…

Why don't Americans have siesta time? That would make my life complete.

School is so over-rated. I think I would be just fine living wherever and doing whatever whenever.

Austin Lab is not study hall/a place to gossip. Shut your face so I can work!

How do I know I'm back in Greenville? Creepers watch me in Barnes & Noble. Of all places.

I like the sound of the word macrophages.

That's what I love about the freshman girls....I keep getting older and they stay the same age.

This detox regimen is not agreeing with my excretory system.

Just let me have a bad day, O.K.? Having a bad day shouldn't have to take so much effort.

You pretend like no girls like you, but everyone knows you're a player.

Who pours grease down the drain? I mean seriously! I thought that was common sense!

To the couple I always see making out in front of the Comm. building--go back to your apartment! This is not high school! Making out between classes is no longer cool or cute.

I lost my voice and sound like a boy going through puberty.

The truth is you broke me.

Let me get this straight... ECU can beat nationally-ranked Virginia Tech and West Virginia but they can't beat N.C. State? That is sad.

Bye, bye big time bowl, Pirates!

There was actually talk of the Pirates going undefeated this season in football? Bahahahaha!

The structure is gone but Yankees Stadium will live forever!

To the very cute girl that I dropped off at Sunchase: It was a pleasure driving you from that crazy party. Next time, just don't throw up on the side of my car!

To the Greenville police officer that stopped me at the Bellamy: I wish I had a picture of your face when my breath test read .00! Not once, but THREE times! Jokes on you.

Can you get in trouble for looking at porn in your dorm room?

It might always be sunny in Philadelphia but its always raining in Greenville.

What is considered "unconventional," anymore?

I never knew so many of my friends and family were so small minded until they said they were voting for a presidential candidate based solely on race.

One can of beer has 153 calories.

I am still shaking my head in disappointment after the loss to State.

ECU is very lucky to still be in the yop 25 after that sorry excuse of a game against State.

What do you mean I don't support your system? I go to court when I have to.

Peace sells, but who's buying?

To the guy in Accounting behind me: Be still. Shut up. I want to break your click pen in half and let you constantly cough on that!

Just stating the problem doesn't make the problem go away. If you think you're a bad boyfriend, then fix it.

Girls, just because the temperature dropped to the 60's does NOT mean it is "Uggs season" again.

To the person who warned me that my bags were sitting by my car as I was about to drive off: THANK YOU! I would have run over my computer if it wasn't for you.

To the guy looking for something "short term, sloppy and regrettable" I'm sure you'll be getting something long-term, incurable and regrettable also. Enjoy.

No, it wasn't late night yet, but all I wanted was a grilled cheese with bacon. Is that really too much to ask??