Pirate Rants

This is the second time; next time I wake up and find you and your boyfriend going at it while I'm asleep, I'm videotaping it and selling it on eBay for $20 a pop.

Is it bad if I and someone who works in the Old Cafeteria Complex discuss in great detail the private "campaign" party we'd love to throw for Obama?

To the sweet lady in the back of the cashier's office that fixes everything the financial aid office seems to screw up: Thank you!

Is it possible to stay true to your heart and not break someone else's?

To the jerk who keeps hitting my friend: The next time you hit her, I swear I am going to throw my '96 Nissan Sentra in reverse and floor the gas pedal when you walk out of the house.

I know this is nasty, but I haven't taken a shower in a month. The funny thing is that people keep telling me how good I smell.

To Scully: I'll see you in August. Have a good summer!

Okay, we are females, therefore we don't have to aim; so my only question is why do you clearly miss so often? In case you weren't told, peeing on the toilet seat is not lady-like.

Maybe if someone had cut Jesse Jackson's off, he wouldn't have fathered an illegitimate child and taken offense at Barack Obama's charge to absentee fathers.

When your feet smell like hot bologna and corn chips, you should keep your shoes on as a courtesy to others in the classroom.

If McCain becomes president, his bodyguards will be more concerned with him dislocating a hip from a fall on banana peel rather than snipers outside the White House window.

Does anyone else think "siblings" is a weird word?

Its 6:30 a.m., the project is due at 9:45, and I'm still just sitting here checking ESPN.com and Pirate Rants... Tragic.

I pay tuition to go to classes, which I skip; yet I can't wait to go in everyday to my internship which doesn't pay. Something isn't adding up.

Does anyone else make up sources, or make sources say what they need them to say, just because research is time consuming and boring?

We all secretly think you're a terrible teacher. We can read the book to ourselves. Thanks for waking me up this early for "story time."

My ECU Student Alert hasn't gone off in a few weeks ... must be broken.

You weren't on "Rate My Professor," probably because you're not a professor, just a glorified TA.

I know your landlord is getting ready to sue all of you, but I don't say anything because you are all terrible neighbors/friends/people. Good luck getting out of this one, slick.

If you cannot follow directions or use a computer then you do not deserve an ECU parking decal!

Please get off your high horse just because you make the Dean's List every semester. You really have no right look down on me when I make the Chancellor's List every semester.

You are the most self-righteous jerk I've ever met, and you wonder why no one will date you … I mean besides the fact that you're like 10 years older than everyone you go after…

"The Dark Knight" is the most amazing thing since ... well, it's just the most amazing thing period!

My mother is the driving force behind my growing addiction to alcohol.

Health Services should set up a room for students to have stress-relieving sex.

There's a girl in my literature class who I can already see will be a MILF in later years.

Two more weeks of summer session ...can I make it?

The next time you decide to bathe in the women's restroom, do us a favor and take your underwear home.

Now that it's summer and 100 degrees outside, I think it's okay to turn the heat off in Christenbury.

Thank you too all of the bus drivers for saving me gas money everyday. No one really appreciates what you do for the students on a tight budget!

I want to find out who ECU's Mulder and Scully are!

I think I've experienced more bouts of depression just this summer than at any other time in my college career. And no, I have not talked to anyone about it.

I'm thinking the Smurf would turn pink if you choked it.

Why doesn't the Student Union update their website more often?

The financial aid office needs to go under new management!!!

I don't need a Scully, but I would like to have a Bridget Jones.

The speaker in my class said "irregardlessly" at least five times during her lecture ... and she's a teacher. Seriously?!

The immaturity of some people astounds me.

When I don't pick up the phone, stop calling me.

I like TEC, but I think it's sad that it's the ONLY newspaper some people read. World awareness, people.

I really wish we had a men's soccer team. I think we should bring it back. Sexy boys playing a sexy sport. Sound good to anyone else but me?

I eat yogurt with my finger because my roommate steals all the spoons.

Trust me; you can't trust me.

If you know I like you, don't call me to talk about your unrequited feelings for others. On the plus side, it helps me realize what a self-centered piece of crap you are.

Student Health said that I just sprained my ankle. After a second opinion, I am now walking around in a cast. Thanks, Student Health Services!