Pirate Rants

To the lady who left her underwear here last night: If you want them back, you're going to have to come get them. I don't want my girlfriend to find them.

I no longer invest time thinking about the past, but the last time I saw you made me realize it was ALL my fault.

Despite the look of fear on your face, even I know how strong a person you are.

Hope that helps.

Bikes are made for riding…unless you're taking it for a walk.

I'm going to have to answer to God for that one.

The stick thing was not cute, just weird.

Do I really look that unapproachable? Please someone talk to me before I stop trying to talk to people for good.

You are the best one of the best ones.

So, the other day I go to use the ladies room in Christenbury before my bus comes, and after turning on the lights, I saw all the cock roaches scatter! Don't we pay enough tuition that we should be provided with restrooms that are bug free? That is disgusting!

I wonder if it's easier to get rants into the paper over the summer because there are fewer students in Greenville, or if students write them from home.

Come on, Hillary, give it up!

Boys act like they have never seen a girl in a bikini before.

Physics is ruining my summer.

Someone said, "I go to State." To them I would say, "I'm sorry, you have my condolences."

Must...have...college...basketball!

I prank called my grandma the other day!

Does anyone else find it strange that my roommate stays up until 5 a.m. on Adderall watching animal porn?

My boyfriend seems to think that my friend looks like a "horangatang." I wonder if he really knows its orangutan.

My roommate has a wizard's sleeve…at least that's what her boyfriend told me.

To the cute security guard who sees me at the library twice a week and always says goodnight to me and my friend: maybe sometime you should stop by and say a little more!

I like you a lot, and I wish things were different between us.

I'm afraid of getting VD just from talking to you.

If Hillary DOESN'T win, I'm moving to Canada.

To the girl who sits beside me in class: STOP BRINGING SMELLY FOOD TO CLASS! I hate you.

Monkey see, monkey do.

I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can always lose weight.

My anatomy lab is full of idiots. I can't believe you people really think you can be nurses.

You always want to hang out, but never call me when it's time to get together. What's up with that?

Road trips are the best, especially when you don't know where you're going!

So, my boyfriend told me I have the highest sex drive of anyone he's ever met. Does that make me a sexaholic?

I think bubble sheets and blue books should come provided.

You are the biggest JERK I have ever met in my entire life.

I would move to Virginia with you in a heartbeat.

So, why is it that licensed, trained, and card-carrying citizens aren't allowed to carry handguns on campus? They are among the most law-abiding citizens in any survey, and are subjected to more background checks than your average substitute teacher. Can you say that about the other student sitting next to you?

I should be listening to the teacher, instead I'm writing rants.

I work around flowers all day. Why do I never get them?

There's something refreshing about sitting in your room alone in nothing but a T-shirt and panties.

If your room is full of food bowls, clothes, binders and junk, you know you're doing something right.

I have roses in old style Coca-Cola bottles.

I can't wait for my boyfriend to come up to ECU next fall. Then we can both be Pirates!

My friends bet $50 that I won't be a virgin at my wedding, and I'm going to prove them wrong!

How come we're only talking about British politics in my American History class?

I love Scooby-Doo! What other old school cartoon character is still as popular?

It almost seems as if writing Pirate Rants is the new official sport of Jarvis.

I am beginning to think that my life should be turned into a movie...or maybe it's the people I am around lately making me feel like I am in a movie. These things just don't happen.

Quoting song lyrics in a Pirate Rant is neither profound nor clever.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.

On my last rant submitted, the verification was XXX.

I really am just a pirate looking for booty.

The most productive time of my week was the last 2 hours submitting rants.

Who wants to make babies with me?

The speed bumps at North Campus make we want to off someone.

My roommates are twins with rhyming names AND, on top of that, their MIDDLE names rhyme too. Who does that?

STOP BITING AND PICKING YOUR NAILS! THERES NOTHING LEFT BUT SKIN, AND THE NOISE IS VERY ANNOYING!

You guys are weird.

My roommate watches more TV than an unemployed couch potato!