Pirate Rants

I know what an "omoplata" is, and I'm a girl.

I'm having a baby!!!!

DID YOU KNOW that Mr. Rogers was NOT a sniper in Vietnam?

Don't judge me for the naps I take.

I'm bored.

Come to Barefoot on the Mall TODAY!!!

Why in the last week of school, does every professor decide to throw on an enormous pile of work? We have other classes besides yours. Please don't try to make my last week the most miserable one.

R.I.P., Professor James Rees. You will be missed.

I think there was a drunk guy in the library tonight.

I have heard nothing but wonderful things about the Special Population Prom that the ECU Ambassadors held this weekend. Thank you for serving our community and representing ECU in such a positive way!

I think the Pirate Rant chooser knows I don't go to ECU and won't pick any of my rants! I want one published too!

I dont see the point in "trayless" days at the Dining Hall. The water they save by not using trays is just wasted on cleaning the floor because I can't balance 10 plates and walk down two flights of stairs.

I, too, had pondered a career as a university professor, but I don't want to be that one-dimensional.

Sadly, this will be my last Pirate Rant!

I'm going to miss being a Pirate, but I can't wait to be a Demon Deacon!

My heart is purple and gold!

I love being able to fail final exams and still get A's in the class!

Anybody else want to drop out and become a groupie?

To the blonde girl in the Delta Zeta T-shirt: I saw you pick your nose and wipe it on your pants. Try to be a little more discrete next time. I have never looked so forward to exams before. SUMMER '08, HERE WE COME!!

I am starting to think that the Pirate Rant chooser has better sex than anyone else on campus.

What does it mean when people say, "Whoa, Nelly?" Who the hell is Nelly?

If you're just going to leave class after ten minutes, why bother to show up at all? Just because our professor sounds a little like a cartoon character doesn't mean you can be that incredibly disrespectful.

To the old guy in my philosophy class: Please stop debating with the teacher. He's right, and that's why he's teaching you. If you were so smart, you would be out of college by now!

To all the bars that have free beer and penny liquor nights: Try having enough of it to last the whole night, so I will continue to go to your bar. Thanks.

Facebook is the reason I'm getting C's in my classes.

Six was afraid of seven because seven eight nine.

To the student who wants to be a professor because it's a "cake job with great pay, benefits and hours," ... all you need is a Ph.D. to join the club. It's only another five or six years of school. It's a piece of "cake." You'll be rich and have to do nothing!

I've just switched from being a theatre major to a psychology major. Now I sound much smarter.

My roommate just came out of the closet. I'm now tempted to do the same.

I named my cat Penny Lane, and I don't even like the Beetles.

My boyfriend is a tall, pale, freckly, redhead. Sounds yummy, right?

I like to jiggle my breasts. It makes my roommate very uncomfortable.

Nothing's better than BETTER CHEDDARS!

I steal food from West End Dining Hall every single day ... and it just makes it taste so much better.

Sorry I farted in your purse.

Yes, Casper, you are the only girl who hasn't been tanning.

Hmm ... would an all-white fraternity or sorority be racist?

Is it bad that I slept with my teacher just to get a C?

My goal for this weekend: Have hook-up with as many boys as possible. It's good luck for exams.

Is it bad that my roommate screams a different boys name every night?

To the boy who blew our softball game: Thanks a bunch!

Kissing is like holding hands.

Everything really DOES taste better with a dollop of Daisy.

Brunettes are SO much hotter than blondes.

Why must the elevator in White be broken all of the time?!?

There's something about seeing an orange girl with white hair giving evil glares to other people at the library that really makes me chuckle.

The fact that I couldn't attend the Obama rally will be the biggest regret I have for college.

With all the Obama fanatics who blindly believe every word that comes from his mouth, it's easy to see how someone like Hitler came to power. How's that for a change?

Listening to excessive amounts of David Bowie is helping me maintain my sanity.

I think Hillary Clinton is a MILF.

The summer is upon us, and people are breaking out the flip-flops and sandals. Ladies and gentlemen, remember one thing: Clean your hoofs before you let those dogs out of their cage!

I need a guy who doesn't mind a girl with a little junk in the trunk.

Damn you, Bank of America!!!! I spit at your $35 overdraft fee!!!

North Carolina IS a right-to-work state.

The last day of class is also my birthday, BUT I have no exams till the next week. So, basically, I have a week off to celebrate my birthday!

$3.59 a gallon for gas? SERIOUSLY???

Goodbye, crazy preachers, and I don't hope to see you next year. Yours truly, Hell-bound Lusty Hussy.

I want to be a library security guard!

I'm ready for the Marching Pirates to take the field again!

All I need is a one-night scandal!

Why does every middle school in the world think they can tour ECU and come eat at the cafeteria when I am at my most hungry and most stressed about school?

To the person who wanted to help out the threesome: I so called your rant getting into the paper last week!!!!!

Is it bad if I absolutely HATE Barack Obama?

I would be making straight A's this semester were it not for YOGA!

To the girl complaining about Jarvis girls not flushing: I'm embarrassed that you thought I pooped like a girl.

Why do I have a really big fear of people?

My scented markers are giving me a headache.

Pirate Rants are lame.

I need groceries, but I have to put gas in my car to get to the grocery store, and gas is now $3.55!

I will be a senior in the fall, and I'm having second thoughts about my major.

I don't understand guys who make their lives all about sex, and once a girl tries to commit to the lifestyle, you're not there enough to have sex with her.

I'm beginning to dislike my roommate.

I miss all the "I love you" rants. Shame on you, whiners!

It's bad when sales associates start to know you by name.

My goal is to get at least one Pirate Rant published per year!

I always want to just drop out of school this time of year.

We don't want Obama or Chelsea's Mama.

You're probably mad that I took your shirt out before it was dry, but when all of the dryers are filled, I'm on a tight schedule, and you're only drying a single shirt … your stuff is dry enough.

I may be graduating in two weeks, but I will always be a PIRATE!!!!

I hate listening to some idiot whine about their Pirate Rant not being chosen. Why do you take it personally? They don't have a clue who you are. Get a life.

I'm glad your class is almost over and I will never have to see you again.

I really wish the people in the MWF 12-1 Comparative Government class would shut the hell up once the professor starts talking.

WARNING TO ALL SKATEBOARDERS: The next one of you that flies past me in arms reach is going to be clotheslined!

This weather makes me wish I were in Mexico drinking margaritas on the beach instead of in class taking exams.

To the wonderful person who folded my laundry in Jarvis: THANK YOU!!!

The people who work for Campus Dining really need to get a clue. Being rude is not cool.

Is it bad that I'm ready for the library to be open 24 hrs?

I only want what I can't have.

Why is it that I always want to give up at the end of the semester?

Whatever happened to Myspace?

Myspace is way better than Facebook.

Brand new building + same crappy service= ECU Financial Aid Department

To the bus driver who dropped us off at 5th & Student: You're the best!

I just got a Dear John text. How the hell pathetic is that?

UNC has a ram, State has a wolf … shouldn't ECU have a parrot that says, "Arrrrgh!" for PeeDee?

I hate it when people say "bless you" after I sneeze. What exactly do I need to be blessed for?

I fully plan on one day becoming Mrs. Dr. Frasier Crane.

I call the white stuff under my toes my "smelly toe cheese."

I WILL gain back my Pirate Rant fame.

Flaxseed oil pills make you skinny.

If i could turn in a paper full of Pirate Rants, I would probably not procrastinate and get an A!

Need a satisfying study break? Meet me in the Joyner library bathroom.

Dear Pirate Rant Chooser, I'm glad you have such a passion for reading.

So, whatever happened to a new fountain being built in Wright Circle?

My roommate has had sexual relations with a canine.

My roommate likes to watch little girls pee in the shower.

I just realized that I hate all of my classes. Why did I take 18 hours?

The best part of my morning is getting on the campus shuttle bus and falling out of my seat every time the bus takes a turn. For some reason, that just makes my day.

I was eating breakfast at the Galley when I saw someone walk by with a piece of pizza that ACTUALLY looked good. I decided to partake, and as I was trying to get a piece, I was attacked by one of the employees, who yelled at me for touching the pizza because it wasn't 10:30 and therefore wasn't lunch time. I checked my cell phone. It was 10:27.

Did anyone else catch that G.K. Butterfield gave Obama the black power sign at the rally? It was awesome.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only person intelligent enough to not lay in a human-sized George Foreman grill and wait for cancer to sink in. You girls make me sick. That brown color is not natural.

Is it just me or do the modeling troupes on or campus SUCK?

I had a ridiculously huge wave of euphoria today when I read the first Pirate Rant of mine to make it into TEC!

I've never considered writing a Pirate Rant until I sat through ECU's step show. What a waste of time! I hope this year's was the first and last!

Why do we NEVER have soap in the dorm bathroom? My dad pays 3 grand to have soap provided for me.

Happiness is a bag of Cheetos.

I'm a green reader. I look at the TEC online instead of picking up a copy on my way to class.

Is it okay if my rain boots don't match my umbrella?

I hope John McCain picks Mitt Romney for VP.

To the couple in my biology class: No one wants to see you kissing on her neck. Get a room!

I was born and raised here in Greenville, and I can't wait for everyone to finally go home. That way, things will be back to normal small-town Greenville, and everything will be peaceful again!

I get sooo excited seeing the book buy-back trailer at the bottom of the hill! That can only mean one thing: SUMMER!!

Summer was better than Pedro.

I wish I felt as pretty as everyone says I am.

I just need a hug. That is all.

To the girl who wants to have a threesome: Find another girl, and I'm game.

Every time my roommate and his girlfriend get drunk together, they always get in a huge fight, and one of them gets hit by the other. It's always over stupid stuff! What do I do?

Call the police.

To the girl in our psych class: You're right; we made fun of you all semester for telling us your personal problems. There is a reason they call them PERSONAL PROBLEMS. By the way, class started at 9:00 not 9:30!

If someone gives you a gift, and then you give it back to them, does that make you an Indian taker?

I need to be studying, but I'm watching baseball and submitting Pirate Rants. Graduation won't get here soon enough.

When will the SGA actually represent the students' interests?

Slow down for pedestrians. If you hit me, I have a lawyer waiting for your day in court.

The only thing a girl should chase is a shot!

I mean seriously, talking obnoxiously in Joyner the week before exams is so not cool.

I think, therefore iMac!

When I'm alone in my car, I jam out to Christian rock.

People underestimate my wild side.

Obama? Clinton? Who cares? McCain is the only one who had the backbone to really take sniper fire!

The guy who always rides his red bike around campus without using his hands is so hot.

Procrastination at its finest: I just used my pink snowman nail file to file my dog's toenails.

Drinking and asking me to marry you was fun. I just wish you remembered it!

Is it really neccessary to discuss your sex life during lunch? Yes, I'm referring to you, girl who likes it rough, and now the entire Galley knows about it.

No air-conditioning; the guy living above me has ridiculously loud sex with his girlfriend; my suitemates randomly scream at the top of their lungs; the train goes by at 3 AM. Belk sucks.

I have nothing better to do.

Dear bus drivers: when it's raining outside, could you please slow down just a little bit?

I am sorry if my breath stinks.

You're not the only one; I hate my job too.

Our neighbors insist on tearing down everything we put on our bulletin board outside our door. Last time I checked, we were in college; why don't you grow up and do something more productive with your free time?

I think its pretty ridiculous that the bus to the freshman parking lot stops running at 12:30 on Saturdays ... especially when I don't find out till after I've been sitting there for 20 minutes.

Do guys think that girls just give our number out just for fun? I wish sometimes they would actually call!

Only one more week left!!! We can do it!

My favorite time of the day is my morning poop time. I just feel so relieved after it.

I spend about $60 on Chinese per week. Yes, I'm ashamed.

North Carolina just happens to be the greatest of the 50 states. Cheerwine, Cookout, Texas Pete, Tar Heels, Michael Jordan and Newports. Seriously..argue with me!