Pirate Rants

This rant will be published on my birthday. Could I ask for a better gift from the Pirate Rant Chooser?

The show must go on. Outside, the dawn is breaking on the stage that holds our final destiny.

Some people should not reproduce.

I hate it when a guy stands so close to a urinal it looks like he's making love to it. They're called germs, pal.

Today I saw a ginger squirrel, and he didn't have a soul … just like me.

My roommate is crazy, and he came at me with a cheap shot. What is sad is that he won.

To the girl who wants to have a threesome: I'd love to help you out.

$17 to see the circus? Someone is out of their mind!

Last Thursday was an eventful day for Greenville. Obama came to town, and an old warehouse mysteriously burst into flames.

Over 10 percent of all my stress is from drivers not using their turn signals!

OBAMA!

How about the mayor pro-tem who spoke before Obama? Seriously, that was embarrassing.

When I graduate, I'm going to miss everything about my roommates but their farts.

I hid four $100 bills around campus and no one has found them yet.

Why are the financial aid people so mean?

I couldn't concentrate at the Obama rally because of all the short skirts!

I'm having "Grey's Anatomy" withdrawals. Thank God it comes back on Thursday night!!!

To the guy who tried to hit on me on the street corner Friday night by telling me he was an ECU football player: How does feel to know that not everyone knows or cares who you are?

I wonder how many rants are submitted each issue of TEC.

When will the Joyner water wall be turned on?

I want to be a professor; what a cake job with great pay, benefits and hours!

ECU should have a Ranting 101 elective course.

Does anyone else feel like they are in a room full of asbestos while sitting in Brewster?

So, do you have to do your "step shows" in the middle of THE busiest part of campus?

Are you honestly going to wear that sweater vest?

How can I copy your notes when you write on the board like an infant?

Hillary Clinton is a three-bagger: One for her, one for you in case hers breaks, and one for whoever might come along and look in the window.

I have water running into my apartment and my slumlord will not fix it.

Your sister is better in the sack than you.

I wish ECU offered a graduate degree in theatre.

Why are my worst grades in my easiest courses?

As I walked home from class, my neighbor was drinking his first beer of the day. It was 5 p.m. in India.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Why are they called apartments when they are built together?

At this point, I really don't know if my brain can hold any more information.

UNC and Duke are basketball schools. ECU is a football school. Wake Forest can be both. WTF is NC State?

Jarvis girls, it's called a courtesy flush. Try it!

Forget about pooping in every building. My goal is to have sex in every academic building on campus ... before my girlfriend graduates in May!

I photocopied my face in the basement of Joyner ... right after my butt.

Dear Pirate Rant Chooser, thanks for being amazing at what you do.

I'm sad "Pirate Rants" isn't listed on Wikipedia.

To the pregnant woman in the pink striped shirt: How dare you smoke while carrying your unborn child? I hope they take away your child, because you are clearly unfit.

And by "decent guy,: I mean one who is remotely intelligent, at least moderately attractive, and who cares about something besides sex and beer.

How the hell do you get a reserved seat at the library?!?

There's a new game: Who can go downtown every night before each of their final exams and still pass class?

Why can't we have 10-plus pages of Pirate Rants and one page of the other stuff?

Screw Obama, Clinton and McCain. I'm voting for Pedro!

Exactly how many more graphs can the economics department throw at me?

If the "preacher" in front of Joyner saw what I just did with my girlfriend before I started this rant … boy, would he let me have it!

Oscar Wilde was right; work is the curse of the drinking class.

Why do the trustees want to build a new chancellor's residence when he's never on campus?

Instead of building a new softball complex, ECU should build a new track complex. The track is so small we can't have home races.

I think I hurt myself masticating last night.

How many people out there know what an "omoplata" is? Just curious.

Every time I go grocery shopping at various places in Greenville, I am approached by sketchy people who ask for money or a ride. Can I not just shop in peace?

If I wasn't me, I'd want to be!

I wish you hadn't said the expensive book was required for the first 14 weeks and then, with two weeks left, changed it to optional.

I miss wasting class time to fill out the class and teacher evaluations.

Why aren't criminals called outlaws anymore?

Am I the only girl on campus who hasn't been going to the tanning bed religiously?

So, it's almost the end of my freshmen year at ECU, and I'm struggling to remember it.