East Carolinian

Yes its sad to lose your first love, and there are always memories, some good and some bad. But, I dont think that its the 'best' love. It would be sad if we wasted our best love on the 1st person who came around when we were young and naive. I loved, and lost, and loved and lost again, but then I fell in love with the love of my life and cannot imagine loving anyone more. I look back at old relationships as a stepping point, something I had to go through to get to a point where I could truly accept someone, connect with them, and love them indefinitely.

Jessica, student
Iowa City, IA
jbfink@engineering.uiowa.edu

It has been over 13 years since I broke it off with my "first love" and I still miss him every day. He haunts the halls of my subconscious it makes it hard to sleep at night. On the few occasions we have run into each other it has only served to remind me that I will never be able to love another man again. I still move forward and am married to a wonderful man, but there is a large piece of me that my husband will never know. A piece that I gave away a long time ago not knowing I would never get it back again.
Every time I see my ex I look closely for some reason it wouldn't work and I hate to admit I am still madly in love with his everything. So was it just circumstance and dumb luck that I found my "soul mate" on my first try or does it just seem that way to my naive heart. As I get older I've realized that while we could never get back together he will always be the only person I have ever really loved and if I could go back and keep him I would do so in a heart beat.

Susan, N/A
New England

I loved the posting. I wondered if anyone else felt about their first love as I do. I am married and although I love my husband; I still have a small part of my heart that is dedicated to my first love and I reflect of our time from time to time and wonder "What if".

Kerry, LPN
Minnesota

recently connected with my first love via the internet and quite by chance. its been 37 yrs since college and nothing can ever match those exquisitely timeless moments. despite great husband and wonderful children, your first love is usually timeless and remains magical like nothing else can. i wonder if the man feel the way we do!

louise, teacher
ny

2 1/2 years ago I ran into my 1st love by chance. It had been over 20 years since I had seen him, but the minute I laid eyes on him all those feelings came rushing back at me. I had thought of him often over the years and would even sit in my car until a song was over because it reminded me of him or a moment we had shared. I too have been married many years to a great man and have wonderful children. But my feelings for that 1st love remain. We made plans to go to lunch and catch up! It was one of the best times in my life. Questions from 20 years ago were answered. We laughed about old times and even intimate moments we had shared. We have continued a friendship over these last 2 1/2 years and talk at least once a week. If I weren't true to my vows I know I would have rekindled this relationship. And In answer to Louise's question "Do the men feel the way we do"? According to my 1st love THEY DO!

Renea
USA

i met my first love at 15 ,and its such a magical feeling , nothing comes even close to that feeling of falling in love for the first time, i was lucky i married my first love.

I met my first, and only, love in High School. We dated off and on since I was out of state. We continued being in touch and seeing each other when we went to two different colleges. We did break up, but I never knew why. Broke my heart. I did marry and have a child but am in a marriage "in name only" to this day. I never stopped loving him. I know where he lives/works and am DYING to know his marital status 40 years later. How can I find out if he is still married? I do know that he married in his twenties.
What if, what if, what if.

MANY PEOPLE ASK ME ONE QUESTION ALL THE TIME......WHY IS RAHUL SO QUIET? WHY IS SO DISTANT, SO SERIOUS AND RARELY SMILES?..... A GOOD QUESTION..ATLEAST THEY BOTHER TO ASK...BUT HOW DO I TELL THEM WHAT THE REAL REASON IS? AS TO WHY I HAVE NO LIFE, WHY I AM NUMB MOST OF THE TIMES, WHY THERE IS NO SPARK..
WELL,I AM NO POET AND I CAN'T EXPRESS IS EASILY BUT I CAN DO SO IN EASY WORDS.. ITS NOT EASY AND MY HEART BEGS NOT TO REVEL IT..BUT I HAVE TO..ATLEAST TO MYSELF...THAT REASON IS THAT I PARTED, WITHOUT WANTING TO, FROM MY LIFE AND MY GREATEST LOVE-GEETHASHREE- YEARS BACK..AND THAT PAIN OF LOSING HER IS SOMETHING WHICH CAUSES ME TO JUST KILL IT FROM INSIDE..ITS BEEN FIVE YEARS NOW SINCE THIS HAPPENED AND DAY BY DAY I JUST FEEL THE PAIN MORE..ITS LIKE MY LIFE IS JUST REDUCING. MINUTE BY MINUTE

GEETHASHREE WAS THE JOY OF MY LIFE, THE BEAT OF MY HEART, THE ESSENCE OF LIFE AND THE REASON AND PURPOSE OF MY LIFE...SHE BREATHED FRAGRANCE, EXCITEMENT, HUGE RESERVES OF JOYOUS ENERGY, SPARKS OF BUBBLE TO MY LIFE..NOT A MILI SECOND WENT WITHOUT ME THINKING AND WISHING FOR HER DESPERATELY...SHE WAS IN INDIA AND ME HERE..GOD DID GIVE ME A HUGE CHUNK OF HIS LOVE THROUGH HER BUT CHALLENGED OUR LOVE THROUGH UNBEARABLE DISTANCE BETWEEN US...BUT DISTANCE OR NO DISTANCE, OUR INTENSE LOVE FOR EACH OTHER WAS ALIVE AND BURNING BRIGHT IN OUR HEARTS..WE WOULD MAIL EACH OTHER EVERYDAY AND WHILE READING HER MAILS, I WOULD LITERALLY FEEL HER PRESENCE NEXT TO ME..AS IF WE WERE SITTING IN A BENCH AT A LOVELY GARDEN AND SHE WOULD SPEAK OUT HER HEART TO ME..HER RADIANT,LIVELY EYES, THOSE MESMERISING LIPS WHICH WOULD GO ON AND ON LIKE A PARROT..I WUD JUST LISTEN TO HER AND HELP IN HER PROBLEMS..SHE WAS A VERY EMOTIONAL AND INTENSE GIRL..JUST THE WAY I LOVED..WE NEVER DISAGREED ON ANYTHING..EVEN IF I DID, I WOULD JUST GIVE UP AND AGREE WITH HER AS I COULD NOT BEAR TO SEE HER UNHAPPY, OR SAD..ONE OF MY REGRET IS THAT I MADE TEARS COME OUT OF HER EYES ONCE WHILE WALKING AROUND IN THE CITY TO LOOK FOR A NICE RESTAURANT TO HAVE LUNCH..SHE WAS A BIT INDECISIVE IN CHOOSING ONE AND I JUST GOT BIT ANNOYED..WHEN I SAW HER CRY,MY HEART JUST STOPPED BEATING FOR A SECOND OR TWO..I CUNT BEAR THAT AND I PROMSIED HER THAT I WOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT..THAT IMAGE IS STILL VIVID IN MY MIND..



SHE LOVED ME SO MADLY, CRAZILY , TOTALLY...HER LOVE WAS JUST GODS REWARD TO ME..JUST A SIMPLE SMILE OF HERS REMOVED ALL FEARS, SADNESS AND WORRY OUT OF MY MIND..SHE HAD A VERY CLEAR, CONCISE WAY OF EXPRESSING HERSELF..HER POETRY WAS HEART WARMING AND JUST OUT OF THIS WORLD...I STILL CLEARLY REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SET MY EYES ON MY ANGEL...I HAD VISITED HER IN BANGALORE.I WAS LOOKING FOR HER AS WE WERE TO MEET AT A CERTAIN POINT BUT DINT.WHILE LOOKING FOR HER,I HEARD A QUIET VOICE BEHIND ME I TURNED BACK AND SAW HER..THERE SHE WAS..DEEP CLEAR EYES AND LOVELY SMILE OF HERS..I FELT INSTANTLY LIKE RUNNING TO HER AND HUGGING HER AND NEVER LET GO...BUT ME BEING NATURALLY SHY,I WAITED FOR THE RIGHT TIME..THEN SHE DROVE ME TO THE HOTEL IN HER MOTOR BIKE..THE FEELING WAS SO GOOD..AT FIRST I WAS SHY IN GRABBING TO HER WAIST BUT EVENTUALLY DID SO..WHAT A FEELING...WE DINT TALK MUCH DURING THE RIDE..BUT ONCE IN THE HOTEL ROOM,ALL THE PENT UP PASSIONATE FEELINGS CAME OUT..IT WAS LIKE A REUNIOUN OF TWO LOST HEARTS OF CENTURIES AGO, WHO CAME TOGETHER AFTER MUCH PAINS, SORROWS AND SEPARATION..WE WERE JUST IN EACH OTHERS ARMS FOR A WHILE..THE WORLD MUST HAVE STOPPED FOR A WHILE JUST GASPING AT THE SIGHT OF US TOGETHER...OVER THE FEW DAYS I WAS THERE, SHE WOULD COME AT 8 TO MY HOTEL ROOM..I CUNT SLEEP EASILY THE NIGHT BEFORE. I WUD JUST WAIT IMPATIENTLY FOR MORNING TO COME..AT TIMES I WOULD ACCIDENTLY SLEEP TILL 8 UNTIL I HEARD THE KNOCK IN THE DOOR.. OTHER TIMES I WUD WAKE UP AT 7 AND BE READY IN HALF AND HOUR AND EAGERLY WAIT FOR THE NEXT HALF HOUR TO PASS BY..I WUD LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN AND WAIT TO SEE HER COME IN..BEFORE SHE WOULD COME IN, I WUD JUST POP OUT TO THE STAIRS TO SEE IF SHE IS ABOUT TO COME.. THEN RUN BACK TO THE ROOM ON SEEING HER FROM FAR...IN THE ROOM,I WUD BE PRETENDING THAT I AM JUST READING THE PAPER..TO HER I WAS JUST READING THE PAPER BUT LITTLE DID SHE KNOW THAT ALL THAT TIME MY EYES, MY HEART AND MIND WAS JUST GLUED ON THAT DOOR WAITING FOR IT TO BE OPENED BY HER..SUCH WAS OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER THAT EVERY SECOND OF OUR MEETING WAS LIKE INFINATE MOMENTS OF TOGETHERNESS... SHE JUST COMPLETED ME IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE..

THEN CAME SEPARATION...MY WORLD CAME DOWN THAT DAY..I CUNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED..ALL I HAD JUST REQUESTED WAS FOR SOME TIME FOR ME TO BECOME FINANCIALLY STABLE SO I CAN SUPPORT HER, MARRY HER AND GIVE HER ALL THE FINANCIAL HAPPINESS..BUT SHE TOOK MY REQUEST AS INDICATION THAT I WAS UNCERTAIN ABOUT MARRYING HER...HOW MANY TIMES I WROTE TO HER, I EMAILED TO HER...I DID A LOT..BUT SHE JUST CLOSED THE DOOR ON ME..FIVE YEARS ON...ITS STILL CLOSED...THERE I WAS..ALONE, LONELY TO THE POINT OF SUICIDE, AND VULNERABLE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED..TILL TODAY THE PAIN OF LOSING HER REMAINS ETCHED IN MY LONELY HEART...I ASK MYSELF..WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN..WHAT IF SHE HAD GIVEN ME TIME..I WUD HAVE FULFILLED AL MY PROMISES AND BE WITH HER..TODAY...I HAVE EVERYTHING WITH GODS GRACE..MATURITY,WISDOM, MONEY IN THE BANK AND THE SENSE OF INDEPENDENCE AND FREEDOM THAT COMES ALONG WITH IT...BUT LOOK AT MY FATE,I DON'T HAVE GEETHASHREEE...BACK THEN, I HAD NOTHING BUT I HAD HER..AND SHE WAS MY WORLD..SHE COMPLETED ME AND NEVER MADE ME FEEL INADEQUATE IN ANY WAY..WE WERE BOTH SIMPLE IN OUR WAYS NOT DEMANDING MUCH FROM THE OTHER...WE LOVED EACH BEYOND WORDS AND EVEN EMOTIONS WERE NOT ENOUGH TO EXPRESS OUR DEEP LOVE..
TODAY..IN THIS WORLD, WITHOUT HER, I FEEL SO LOST,LONELY, DEPRESSED AND SCARED..I FEEL AS IF I AM JUST A BODY,WITH NO HEART, MOVING AIMLESSLY..MY PURPOSES, MY AIMS MY INTENTIONS WERE ALL DRIVEN BY GEETHASHRE..NOW THAT SHE IS GONE,I JUST DON'T FEEL ANY MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING..NO AMBITION...FOR WHO DO I ASPIRE TO BE GREAT? FOR WHO DO I REACH HEIGHTS OF SUCCESS FOR?..DESPITE THAT I HAVE PICKED MYSELF AND ACHIEVED NEAR SUCCESS..BUT MUCH TO MY DISMAY, WHEN I LOOK BACK, SHE IS NOT THERE AT ALL FOR ME TO FALL IN HER ARMS AND FEEL THE JOY....IT WAS HER WISH AND PRAYER THAT I SUCCEED ONE DAY AND SHE WUD BE THERE TO SHARE IT..BUT NOW..ALL I HAVE TO SHOW IS MATERIAL SUCCESS..LEAVING ME EMPTY INSIDE...LOOKING FOR HER HERE AND THERE...

MY LONELY AND TORN HEART, AND MY WANE EYES TIRELESSLY WAIT AND JUST CONTINUE WAIT FOR HER TO COME BACK TO MY LIFE..WHEN WILL SHE COME??? THE BEAT OF MY HEART? THE SPARKLE OF MY EYES?

MY ONLY REGRET IN LIFE IS THAT WE WERE TOGETHER FOR ONE FULL YEAR FROM 1ST JULY 2002 TO 30TH JUNE 2003 AND OUT OF 365 DAYS, I ONLY SPENT FIVE DAYS WITH HER..JUST FIVE..AND I MISSED OUT ON THE REST 360 DAYS OF LOVE,AFFECTION, CARE FROM MY GEETHASHREE...AND IT CONTINUES...I DON'T BLAME HER FOR AYNTHING..SHE HAS HER REASONS AND I RESPECT THEM..BUT AT TIMES I JUST MISS HER SO MUCH THAT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT..

my first love was a total waste of time and energy to be honest, a big mistake! Still can't help look back with fondness but it would've been nice to fall for someone a bit less self absorbed....

my first love was kinda complicated but i never regret having that relationship coz it made me stronger and face life with a smile. It easy to let go of the relationship but its hard to forget the one you loved so dearly he/she will always have a special part in our heart.

My first love was in college. He is my love now, although I moved on because I was dazed and confused and wanted more than I thought he coudl provide. I had no plans to get serious with anyone for a while. I always hoped we would get back together. I found myself in a relationship, prego and did the 'respectable' thing. That was 4 years ago. I now have a husband, two young children, a mortgage, etc. I still think of my love everyday. I try like hell to make it work with my husband. We have the makings of a great marriage, but he is not the one I am supposed to be with. I see my love in my mind everyday, like the sun falling on the Rockies. I don't think that will ever go away. I miss him.

It's been almost a year since me and my "first love" broke up. I still think about him at least once everyday. I still talk to him here and there but as great as it was when we were together, it would never work again. I look at him now and ask myself "How the hell was i so infatuated with him?" I'm not really attracted to physically like i used to be and he kind of annoys me, but we had a past and he'll always have a place in my heart. It was fun while it lasted and i thought i would never be right when we broke up, but a good 5 months later and lots of bottles of vodka- I'm completely over him. I wont ever forget him and I'll always love him but great things fall apart so better things can fall into place.

it's been over a year since we split but i still think about her everyday and have yet to sleep through the night. I don't want to get over her cause if i do i know that feeling will be gone. i loved her then now and forever.

My first love and girlfriend of 5 years just broke up with me yesterday. I am confused as to why because she has never given me a real reason. We shared some of the most beautiful and intimate moments together and the connection we had was something different. Does it get any better from here? I know that time heals all but will i ever be as passionate about anyone else as i was about her?

i will always remember my only one.....hel.....

Me and my first love have recently broke up. She's already found someone else, but I've spoken to her on a few occasions and she tells me she still cries herself to sleep some nights. Her parents, some of her newer friends(the guy she's with), and little ups and downs just got to her. I know she still loves me because i still love her. I just hope to god that she doesn't wait 30 years, and already started a family, to realize that some people are lucky and find their soul mates on their first try. I've always wanted to have a little daughter and her be the mother, but we can't all wait forever.

What is wrong with you people? Particularly the chicks that posted here years ago saying they would ditch their current husbands in a second if the first, true, real, DEEP love of their life showed up today.

That's unfortunate. You folks should never have been married in the first place. If you are truly, deeply, madly in love with someone you cannot be with for any reason, you would rather subject someone to your partial love so you can feel better as opposed to being lonely and in love with that person you can't have. Hanging on to these old flames is both a disservice to your spouse and primarily to yourself because you deprive yourself of true happiness and peace in life and love.

But I'm married and loving it. To my first love. So nyah.

My first love I was 15, I thaught he would be the one to marry me, we had all kinds of special moments, our paths recently crossed, I know he recognised me, but I did not him until he was gone, this was at my work place, he has my business card, but has not called, that makes me feel sad it has been 33 years and I would like to say hello. He stopped calling me one day, didn't call for a few weeks and everytime I called him I was told he was not home, so I thaught he went to another girl, then the hurting began, like none other, I then found myself another boyfriend, being afraid to go back and feel that hurting again.

i met my first love after i had broken up with my previous exboyfriend and after i found out he had cheated on me with his baby's mother. i got so drunk that as i was walking down the stairs i lost balance and rolled down. my first love, with out knowing me carried me up and took me to his place and called one of my friends to pick me up... we started dating 4 month later..wow he was perfect for me, he had a bad boy thing to him dat turned me on, but had a soul unexplainable. point is dat we dated for 2 years until i felt like i needed some space cuz we had being arguing those last few days.when i told him about the space i needed he told me that if thats what i wanted he was not going to wait until i decided to come back. so we broke up but we started talkin one month later after. and he asked me to be together again 2 1/2 month later and i was starting to enjoy being single so i said no. so it was the summer time, we was messing around, having casual sex, going out..but never commited again. but it was until december of that year that after i had finally wanted us to be together again..4 days later he told me he have being dating some one else..some one who works at my company..omg my heart is so broken..its april now 5 month since i found out about his new relationship and i still cant stop crying about how bad i love him..i even try dating but it just doesnt seem to work out. GOD i love him so damn much. he means the world to me..i just dont know how to deal with this agony of not having him in my life. i feel like maybe some day i can find someone to love me and feel happy with the person..but no one can ever replace the love i have for my first love..like i really regret wanting so space..ironic cuz now i'm wishing for him to comeback and nevver leave my sight again.

I broke up with my first love 22 years ago.
I met her again on a street half way around the globe 7 month ago. Both of us are married unhappily with children and miss each other terribly.

We found that we are still madly in love with each other. But we both care our children so much and not dare to spoil anything around them.

We can either break up and try not to miss each other and not to thinkg about "what if" or be honest and confront our spouses.

I am sooo lost...

I forgot to add that when I met my true love on the street again 7 month ago, that she had become a worthless whore.

I fell in love unknowingly. It just happened when I was in grade 6.first love is kinda amazing. we were in same class. I was quite a shy girl at that time. although we use to be in same class , we rarely talk, just say dont talk at all. I just cant see him directly in his eyes. i feel so nervous and icant speak in front of him. when a teacher ask me in front of class , i just cant answer any questions.I just loved him within my heart. I knew he loved me too but I am the one who is very bad ,I just use to pretend as if i dont care him but inside I love him so so much . At that time may be I was not prepared mentally or wateva.i have got memories of eacha nd every single day of school days when we see eachother , had a feeling , use to smile . I was so stupid , I use to love him so much but I dont look at him.wheneva he is around omg my heart statrs beating so fast. funny he he. My frns used to scold me a lot and they use to tell me that they gonna tell him everything but i restrict them. years passed in the same way. I was in grade 9 now. still we were in the same class. I had to go to my cousin brothers marriage. I was quite happy . we went to brides home. with a full of suprise , the bride was his cousin sister. O god.. i was so shocked to meet him there. i was with my parents and frens and relatives . same as he. he served me..he he but i cudnt see in his eyes . wow that waS such a shocking and romantic moment for me.next day in school, in the early morning, he was just ready for something dont know. he was standing in the entrance just by himself as if waiting for someone. I came but I see him and ignored him. I know I am very bad.Actually its nothing but I was only shy. Well well well, I spoilt my studies and I changed class in grade 10 coz i cant be in the same class. because i use to love him like crazy just used to think of him all the time.. I think by his rxns he use to like me as well , but i dont know, and i never let him prove that he also loves me. I was crazy at that time. In my school time I hardly use to make frens with boys and I was very shy. so in this way the last year of skool passed. then I never met him. Although I love him dearly and I never met him, I was happy because i use to shake when he was around me and I just cant concentrate in any thing.So I was free from those sorts of things.

then now i was in grade 11 in differnt college. I was very happy . I had memories of him . I always use to remeber him every single day. In college, I was very frank with everybody . I was happy with my personaliity.I was totally different the way I was in skool. I have many boys and gals frens. I got proposals from few boys. bt just told them as they are just frens. May be they were in love with me like I used to be with him. But I never ever felt the same with my college boys. I know they love me but but I never had the same feeling as befo. I finished my grade 12 now. in these 2 yrs , i just cant believe myself that i remembered him still each and every single moment. but i didnt try to contact him or wateva. after this , i plan to go to states. for further study. And before one week to leave for states, once again i met him with full of suprise. this time was in a bank . I was dealing with a cashier with my dad and I saw his face in the black glass that was behind the cashier right at the other end. I saw him in reflection and so did he.I was trying to look at him whether it was him and he was trying see whether it was me . It was in kinda black glass. so reflection haha. so i knew it that was him then i just cudnt control myself again and i was smiling thinking of him to the cashier and my face was all red. ha ha. o well. my dad was with me so ..it was quite crowded and didnt saw him later. now m in states for more than 2 yrs and its been almost 9 yrs since my/our love story started. but it never ended. Still today, the same face, same feeling for him and yes M still single coz i m just not interested in any other boys. m just not into them. Its quite sad. but..I dont have any contact with him now dont know where he is. well there must b other gal in his life.. but i dont mind that.. i just love him dearly till now , i just wish his life to b good whoeva he is with., but Still today I kinda have hope that I am gonna meet him again.. eh eh may be just a false hope. wateva.. life goes on!!!! n first love is so so powerful n precious specially for me!!!!!

Love to read all the comments and it helps me understand the way I feel. There are so many things we don't know as humans and I beleive loving one another is the greatest priviledge we have in our body/mind experience. I was brought up as a christian and as such we were taught how serious the decision of choosing our partner for life was. We were taught respect and loyalty. My first love, or love relationship, like for many of you didn't work out because of her mother thinking I was not good enough for her and I beleive because of ethnical differences, compounded with the fact we were too young and I did not have means to support us. We were in our very early 20's. Irregardless, because of all the pressures I one day couldn't sucumb to her mother always wanting to take priority over our relationship, and fortunately or unfortunately because of my honor and the respect to our relationship I had to regretfully end it. To this day I know if I had not ended it we would still be together, but the road to today would have probably been a very miserable life trying to live with her mother's negative influences. As like many of you it was a long time and many fail attempts at trying to find love that I met my current wife. To be exact 5 years later. The beauty of my relationship is that I never kept anything from my wife, even my love for my first love, and she knows I chose her and I would have even done it if I had a choice between my first love and her. The ironic thing though is that although my current wife is my chosen partner for life, and I love her and trust her more than my first love, I still think about my first love. I guess the need to be able to say I hope you are really happy and to let her know I'm doing very well, and although things happened the way they did I have always wished the best for her. Maybe that is one of the mysteries in life; resolution to unfinished buniness/unanswered questions. I think we all as humans want to be able to keep and if needed in departing from our relationships do it all in good harmony. It has been about 28 years since we last talked and I can clearly remember she called right before she was about to get married to tell me she could not forget about me. I responded the feeling is mutual, but she was very clear that she was not asking for reconciliation. To this day it puzzles me how people move on to other things when their hearts are still in other places. I guess too there is a part of us that does not like to fail at anything.