2008 Woodie Awards
Breaking up
It can also mean friendships
Margot Rogerson, Opinion Writer
Issue date: 4/10/08 Section: Opinion
That nervous, empty-pit-of-your-stomach feeling: you are going to introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your friends. The worry if your Love will be accepted, overwhelms you. Will they be as perfect in your friends' eyes as they are in yours?
A by-product of dating someone new is the ability to meet a lot of new people. You will probably get equally as attached to your new group of friends as to the new person you are dating. This new, inter-mingling of friends should be a positive aspect of dating someone, but what happens when the relationship is over?
How easy is it to maintain friendships with friends of your ex? This was the topic of conversation between a couple of friends and me the other night. For two of us, it was a very relevant topic.
I think the first thing to do is evaluate how much these new friends really mean to you, or does the need to keep them in your life only serve your intrinsic motives to remain closer to your ex?
If they are genuine friends that you would like to keep in your life, it may be more complicated. If the latter part of the question is true, realize that you can let those false senses of hope and security go. I think it's possible that too many people secretly guard this motive, but advocate the other.
On the other hand, if you and your ex dated for a significant period of time, it may be very hard to know how to handle those friendships. Few relationships end perfectly amicable; a lot leave residue of tension and frustration. It might be hard to separate those feelings from the relationships you have developed with the mutual friends. It will also be hard for them to be objective and not "pick sides."
However, with a great deal of maturity, I think it's possible to maintain friendships with your ex's friends. Certain boundaries would have to be set, and of course, the approval of the ex would make things a lot easier. Try to understand if that doesn't happen right away; it's only natural to have the feeling of "they were my friends first." After the immediate effects of the break up are gone, finding a happy medium will not be as hard. One day, you might even find that your ex can still be your friend.
This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com
A by-product of dating someone new is the ability to meet a lot of new people. You will probably get equally as attached to your new group of friends as to the new person you are dating. This new, inter-mingling of friends should be a positive aspect of dating someone, but what happens when the relationship is over?
How easy is it to maintain friendships with friends of your ex? This was the topic of conversation between a couple of friends and me the other night. For two of us, it was a very relevant topic.
I think the first thing to do is evaluate how much these new friends really mean to you, or does the need to keep them in your life only serve your intrinsic motives to remain closer to your ex?
If they are genuine friends that you would like to keep in your life, it may be more complicated. If the latter part of the question is true, realize that you can let those false senses of hope and security go. I think it's possible that too many people secretly guard this motive, but advocate the other.
On the other hand, if you and your ex dated for a significant period of time, it may be very hard to know how to handle those friendships. Few relationships end perfectly amicable; a lot leave residue of tension and frustration. It might be hard to separate those feelings from the relationships you have developed with the mutual friends. It will also be hard for them to be objective and not "pick sides."
However, with a great deal of maturity, I think it's possible to maintain friendships with your ex's friends. Certain boundaries would have to be set, and of course, the approval of the ex would make things a lot easier. Try to understand if that doesn't happen right away; it's only natural to have the feeling of "they were my friends first." After the immediate effects of the break up are gone, finding a happy medium will not be as hard. One day, you might even find that your ex can still be your friend.
This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com
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