2008 Woodie Awards
Long-distance love lost to the miles
Mary Dixon
Issue date: 10/2/08 Section: Opinion
Often, college students find themselves in long distance relationships. Leaving that high school sweetheart behind at home is truly one of life's most difficult rites of passage. But the question remains, is holding on to someone so far away really worth it?
In my experience, long distance relationships do not work. When I left home for ECU, I also left my boyfriend of four years behind. Initially, the departure worked fine for the both of us. However, things began to change rapidly once my boyfriend realized that my life was evolving, not in congruence with his own. Trivial issues like not talking long enough on the phone because I had homework caused intense fights between us. Eventually, the fighting created by the distance caused a rift between us so deep that it was no longer repairable. I was miserable, he was miserable; so we broke up.
Couples require togetherness. In the beginning of a relationship, the couple usually decides how much time both people feel is acceptable to spend together. When you go from seeing a person nearly every day in school and possibly on the weekend, to not seeing that person on a daily or weekly basis-that's detrimental to the survival of the relationship. This leads to a breakdown in communication. Conversations that used to be light-hearted and fun turn into conversations of sadness and neglect. It is very common for one member, if not both members, of the couple to begin to lose trust because you don't know what your other half is doing.
Because long distance couples cannot physically see each other, the fear of cheating emerges. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships explains that couples who are farther away as compared to those who are geographically close do not cheat more; however, by not having the ability to monitor each other, couples tend to convince themselves that one of them could be cheating.
The fear of cheating leads to fights about everything. When I had too much homework and couldn't talk on the phone, my boyfriend would turn things into a fight about cheating.
In my experience, long distance relationships do not work. When I left home for ECU, I also left my boyfriend of four years behind. Initially, the departure worked fine for the both of us. However, things began to change rapidly once my boyfriend realized that my life was evolving, not in congruence with his own. Trivial issues like not talking long enough on the phone because I had homework caused intense fights between us. Eventually, the fighting created by the distance caused a rift between us so deep that it was no longer repairable. I was miserable, he was miserable; so we broke up.
Couples require togetherness. In the beginning of a relationship, the couple usually decides how much time both people feel is acceptable to spend together. When you go from seeing a person nearly every day in school and possibly on the weekend, to not seeing that person on a daily or weekly basis-that's detrimental to the survival of the relationship. This leads to a breakdown in communication. Conversations that used to be light-hearted and fun turn into conversations of sadness and neglect. It is very common for one member, if not both members, of the couple to begin to lose trust because you don't know what your other half is doing.
Because long distance couples cannot physically see each other, the fear of cheating emerges. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships explains that couples who are farther away as compared to those who are geographically close do not cheat more; however, by not having the ability to monitor each other, couples tend to convince themselves that one of them could be cheating.
The fear of cheating leads to fights about everything. When I had too much homework and couldn't talk on the phone, my boyfriend would turn things into a fight about cheating.
Viewing Comments 1 - 4 of 4
Mer
posted 10/02/08 @ 9:40 AM EST
I enjoyed this column, Mary! It hit home...
I had a long-distance relationship that I felt "wasn't working" (translation: I couldn't deal with it) and I tried to get rid of the guy. (Continued…)
vicki
posted 10/02/08 @ 10:50 AM EST
i think if you are fortuate enough to get to go to college, you should really use that time to learn all you can, and to have a care-free time in your life, because lets face it, the real world comes at ya very fast! there is plenty of time for relationships. (Continued…)
Sinjun
posted 10/02/08 @ 6:09 PM EST
I used to think there was plenty of time for replationships, and concentrated on classes and work, not like it was popular anyway. I long suspected being a nice guy and shy really hurt there, but time passes faster than you think. (Continued…)
E-Money
posted 10/07/08 @ 7:39 AM EST
I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years so far and everything is going great. Im in the navy and i've been a lot of places already in my one year in. (Continued…)
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