Pirate Rants

To the sexy stenographer in my psych class: There is no shorthand for the things I would do to you.

Dear ECU: If you have to block off the entrances to an entire building (AKA Rivers) because huge sheets of ice are falling off the roof, then you might have wanted to close school on Monday... Just a thought.

My Stat teacher made a box and whisker plot confusing.... seriously? I learned how to draw those in 5th grade! Quit reversing my education!

I swear the next time I ride my bike through the brick yard and the people walking towards me don't get out of my way I am going to ram my front tire in between their legs. BE WARNED!

Why is it that guys and girls can't just sleep together anymore without some kind of attachment developing... That's all I wanted, and now I'm stuck loving some a**hole that's in Afghanistan.

I can't believe you got mad at your boy-toy for him telling you not to smoke a black-and-mild that you found on a railing. EW!

You keep coming to my parties...are you trying to secretly say you're still interested??
Ten minutes between classes is not long enough to walk from the Rec Center to Brewster, ECU

Dear Music Majors: I would like my own theme song. Thank you.

I am an English major and by the looks of the English department, I am destined to be a hippie or a crazy cat lady.

ALE stands for “A Large Expense,” North Carolina please get rid of them in your next budget cut.

I have my own room now ladies, no roommate. C'mon in!!

I am surprised that despite your obvious cold you continue to wear leggings as pants.
I’m tired of paying fines because the Rec center staff is to incompetent to check a basketball in correctly!

There's nothing like "borrowing" some Bojangles' food trays and skating down the icy Minges parking lot hills on a Sunday morning.

Is it terrible that I would totally do the Eiffel Tower with my Chem and Calc professors?

I LOVE MAC-IN’ OFF!

Screw you groundhog.

Hey ECU Maintenance- there's this new invention called SALT. Try spreading a few bags around so I can actually go into my building!!

Your teeth called...your breath stinks.

Dear ECU basketball fans: I would like to remind you that you're not in Joyner Library. It is okay to get loud and even scream to support your team. GO PIRATES! ARRGGGH!

I found a necklace at the Allied Health building on the sidewalk. E-mail me at bx0705 a description of your lost necklace. If it matches the one I found, I'll return it.

Fellow Pirates, don't let the weather get you down. There's always something green somewhere ;)

I'm totally feeling a "Jim and Pam" relationship blossoming...

Sometimes I like to create conversations with myself in the pirate rants.

I've come to realize that "nice guys" are really just jerks in disguise.

Don't worry students, I plan to "take one for the team" and "accidently" slip on campus - hello lawsuit good bye classes!

Just because I'm skinny does not give you the liberty to squash me while riding the bus. I think you broke a few bones when you sat directly on top of me.

What's wrong preacher man a little snow never hurt anyone; you give fair weather fan a new meaning.

Did you know that the sun is a star...because my roommate did not!

If you decide to use an umbrella instead of a raincoat, please keep in mind that you take up more space than usual. I'm tired of getting whacked by in the face or run off the sidewalk because of them!

I know I told you I couldn't handle being FWB, but I've been getting really lonely on the weekends. ;)

Dear Guy who’s girl went from a "10 to a 4" when she took off her pants...you’re a jerk! Real girls have legs and an a**. I hope someone poops in your pillow case.

I wonder if anyone in my Criminal Justice classes can tell that I'm totally blazed.
Best part of the weather Saturday, getting stuck indoors with you :)

Carlos, NO! Not at the table!

All these girls who keep talking trash about how bad leggings as pants look should shut up. As a guy, I think they look hot.

Can someone please invest in a Biscuitville for Greenville? And if you don't know what a Biscuitville is then I truly feel sorry for you.

Minges desperately needs another bus. I'm getting really sick and tired of being left at the bus stop for another 20 minutes.

I can't wait to drink a keg during the half time show of the Super Bowl…the Military Red and White will not falter!!

What? Is it me that stinks?

Man I love my life.... got the grades, the beautiful girl, the wonderful family.

I hate it when people say "FML," because just think, there are other people out there who are having worse trouble than you are.

Is it bad when your 25 year old boyfriend writes his name in the snow with his pee?

To the girl in front of me on the elliptical that passed gas 4 times while I was on the treadmill behind her: Mix in some vegetables with all that Chic-fil-A. Holy Peanut Oil!